New

So this year was my first experience with Comic Con. In case you don't know, it started out as a comic book convention, and now it's kind of a smorgasbord of all things pop culture. It's movies and comic books and zombies and parties and video games and a whole lotta nerds. It's almost like the ultimate singles convention, except the male to female ratio is way outta whack. And there is a whole contingent of man boobs (or "moobies") in attendance. I've never gone because it just isn't my kind of crowd, but this year it seems like a place I want to check out. So I did.

Last night I went to a party that had something to do with a video game, but to be honest, once I found out that there was no free alcohol, I didn't give a fuck about their stupid game. Everyone knows that a hosted bar is the best way to get fans. Granted, the gamers don't have a very high tolerance, but fuck them. What about MY needs? I'm DEFINITELY not going to buy their game now. Still, I did see some 'stars'. I saw some guy that people recognize but no one knows. The guy who is affectionately known as "the cop from Superbad". I also saw LL Cool J. I'm a little disappointed that of all of them, he is the only one that I didn't manage to get a picture of. But trust me, he's hot. Then Danny DeVito and Corey Feldman. Say what you will, but it was a great night of B-list sightings.

Today I went back, and while there were no names in my midst, it was still interesting and fun. However, I just found out that I have become spoiled. I have become used to being on the inside of the velvet rope, and at this thing I got nothin. This is totally unacceptable. I don't like it at all. I am going to do all I can to make sure that this doesn't happen again next year. Just sayin.

Anyway, I leave for New York on Tuesday, and in terms of work, I can't leave soon enough. I came really close to strangling my boss last week, and as it turns out, I wasn't the only one. He must be menopausal or something. I'm really looking forward to being in a new environment for a while and being around different people. Things here get really crazy sometimes. In a way that I can't even describe. If I tried, it would just come out like a giant pile of ridiculousness. The same kind of ridiculousness that I always seem to be engaged in. But just know that my life seems to be moving faster than I can grab onto it. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Trips

I'm going to New York next week. I'm trying to prepare myself for being gone without missing anything. I can't wait to go. I booked my flight and hotel for the wedding in Napa in October. All that's left is the rental car. It's costing me a lot more than I had anticipated, mostly because the hotels are ridiculously expensive. I'm excited to go, because I've always wanted to go there and see what it's like. Chances are I'll get there and not be able to do anything anyway because I have no money. But at least I will have gone. I also found myself getting a bit depressed because I don't have anyone to go with me. I'm going to a wedding in a romantic town and I'm most likely going to be alone. Someone once said to me a person should never have to go to a wedding alone, and the bitch of it is that I can only think of one wedding where I actually had a date. And he broke up with me two days after we got home. So it's almost worse than going alone. And I'm going to Spain alone as well. I keep telling myself that I'll be busy working when I'm there, but I also keep thinking about being there during my birthday, where I won't even be able to call anyone or talk to anyone who knows me.

I swear to god that if I didn't have my job to focus on, I would kill myself. There's a whole lot of stuff that I want in life that I'm not getting, and as much as I try to get it, I can't quite seem to get there. I just get some bastardized version of what I actually tried to get. I want to date someone, I get screwed on my lunch hour. I want to see the world, I see it alone.

I never thought I would be one of those people who only lives for their job. I try to do other things, and then they all boil down to my job. Nothing else even comes close to being what I want. But those other things are so close I can almost taste them. Nothing like having things just out of your reach. Anyway, moving on...

Today I read an article about saving money. I looked at my bank account and realized that I have an automatic savings plan. I forgot about that. But then, it doesn't really matter since I'm always dipping into my savings anyway. And then I started thinking about how things could be if I had a job that actually pays a livable wage. Right now I'm on track to make about 12K this year; maybe as much as 14K. Somehow I manage to live on a wage that is impossible. I wonder how things would be if I actually made real money. It seems like things would be kind of crazy. I would pay my debts, my student loans, and maybe at some point I would even be able to pay for something expensive like a car or a house. Maybe I would be able to take a vacation with my disposable income instead of having to save and pay off my credit card for the next three years. These are the amazing things I could do if I made 30K instead of what I make now.

Anyway, I was just thinking about it today.

Weekend Sanity

So it's been a bit of a strange weekend, even though it's really like most others. I have a sunburn on my head, where my hair separates and shows skin. No chance for sunscreen preventativeness. I spent more money than I should have while hanging out with my gay friends, who it seems, have all dated each other at some point or another. The trouble with them that I've found, is that getting a group of them together and keeping them together is a lot like herding cats. They have a hard time focusing when there are lots of things going on around them.

The lunch boy who stood me up on Thursday happened to text me on Saturday, saying he was hungover. Am I supposed to give a fuck? All I know is that he ditched me when he should have been there, and the casualness that I have allowed thus far is pretty much over. I don't want to feel like a second choice, and while I haven't had the chance to mention these ideas to him, I have been thinking them for the last few days.

The old boy initiated a chat via FB the other day, while he was in a foreign county, visiting his idiot GF. If he's having so much fun on vacation, why the hell is he talking to me? Anyway, I thought it was odd and somewhat uncalled for, mostly because I've been thinking about him since then and I really don't want to. I don't want to think about any of them. I want to think about new people and new experiences, and I want to do what ever I can to make those things happen. Because clearly the old people aren't giving me anything worth remembering.

So a week from Tuesday I'll be going to NYC, which should be an interesting voyage. My second business trip (technically third, but a weekend doesn't count), and a whole lot of change at work requires me to make sure that things happen. I have to say, there is something wonderful about being away from this town and away from these people. Being in new places with new people can only be good. Plus it gets me out of the rut of what happens here every day.

Here's the thing: I know what I want. I know who I want. I even give myself options. A plan A and Plan B. And C and D and E. and I try to put them in motion and they just don't seem to work like the other things that I plan in my life. They go haywire and I can't control or predict them. So I end up being at a loss as to what my next plan of action should be. With most other things, I can regroup and replan, but for these kind of things, predictability gets thrown out the window. As does sanity. And these days, the only way I've been hanging onto mine, is to pretend that things don't exist. Which means the sane part has already been lost. Awesome.

Importance.

So I had this dream last night, and there's only so much I can remember. So here is what I do remember. The old boy, telling me that his GF is 'openminded', which he was guilty of taking advantage of. I said I didn't want to know. I also had lunch with the new boy and some random girl that I didn't know. Then I was sleeping on my mom's couch, and woke up, freaking out about being late for school. High school. So I jumped up off the couch and freaked, wondering how late I was. Every clock I saw had a different time, and for some reason, the letter y kept appearing in the time. Finally I figured out that it was the exact time that school was starting. I looked out the window, and there was a whole bunch of snow on the ground, so I figured I had an automatic excuse for being late. I also noticed that there was a pale yellow old ass Landrover in our driveway covered with at least four inches of snow.

And that's about all I remember. Two guys in the same dream, and a whole bunch of random stuff. I've never been so great at analyzing dreams, and even though it seems like it should mean something, I have no idea what that would be.

So tonight was this thing where the new boy was supposed to go with me, and he called around lunchtime to say he had a client he absolutely had to meet with today, and he would be late, but would call/text me and blah blah blah. Yes, I was irritated. But i figured he would call/text me as he said he would, so I let it go. So I went to the thing. And I waited. And waited. And nothing. I texted. Nothing. Needless to say, I wasn't in the greatest mood, but to be fair, it wasn't completely his fault. There were a whole bunch of things contributing to my bad attitude tonight.

So now it's almost 11pm, and I still haven't heard from him, even though his 'appointment' was at 6 and was only supposed to last about an hour. On the way home I started thinking about the whole situation. Here's the scenario: The guy has a client who must meet with him today because she is leaving town tomorrow and has to get this business done today. Okay, at first I'm fine with that. But then I start thinking about it, and I think, who the fuck gives up their personal life for business on less than 24 hours notice? And what could this person possible need that needs to be done today? These are typically long term investments, so a week or two will not make a giant difference. And if it is that fucking important, why would you wait until you are about to leave town to contact your adviser for emergency changes? You knew you were leaving town; why didn't you call a week ago? And yes, I understand that people are idiots and expect you to cater to their whims, but at some point, you just have to say no, right? And then there's this thought: where the fuck could this client be going that he can't talk to them about their 'emergency' investments on the phone? Are they going to fucking Pakistan or something? Is there really any place in this world that would prevent someone from doing business electronically?

I have recently told myself that I can trust him as long as he doesn't be me a reason to not trust him. And no, he's not my boyfriend, but it seems that standing me up today was pretty messed up. That said, he's not my boyfriend, so he has no reason to lie to me either. So I guess the real gist of the situation is that I'm less important than money. Awesome.

Oddities

It seems like things get just a little crazier every day. Yesterday my friend in Austin called me and we talked for a while. Mostly about work and movies and stupid stuff. But in the back of my mind I keep thinking that this is the guy who's baby has been in ICU since February, and his family (wife and daughter) have really been struggling for normalcy. He did happen to tell me a *secret* about Sony's upcoming video game release and Comic Con, but I'm not allowed to tell what it is. You probably wouldn't care anyway. Anyway, he invited me to come visit any time I want to, and I feel like I should. Not just because I've really missed them since they moved away, but also to offer support and maybe help them out, even though I'm not sure what kind of help I could offer. So I'm thinking about it, although I'm not sure when I could get away with everything else I've got going on.

My flights are in the process of getting booked as well. Once that gets done, the whole thing is cemented. Yikes. The rest of work feels like it has been crazy, because I'm trying to manage putting together the regular stuff I do plus developing new things for our new office space and with new organizations. Like HBO and the Film Commission. And the University. Netflix. All sorts of things. I guess it's a bit like having a business and starting a new one at the same time. It feels like my brain is trying to go in a hundred directions at once. And then I'm going away so I have to figure out a way to keep things moving without sitting at my desk.

So the last development has to do with the boy. The new one. The one I haven't seen since May, who is supposed to be going to a 'thing' with me on Thursday. He texts me today, one thing leads to another, and the next thing I know, I'm at his house on my 'lunch break' for a mid-afternoon romp. Totally worth it, by the way. We discussed the possibility of making it a regular occurrence, so who knows that is going to happen? I guess he works from home often enough that it could be regular, although afternoon activities tend to leave one a bit sweaty, albeit relaxed and recharged. While I was there today, I also casually mentioned that I'm going to Napa for a wedding if he wanted to join me. He said it sounded good; had to look at his schedule. So maybe, maybe not. Regardless, I got some today instead of lunch (ended up being pretty hungry a few hours later...), and that was good. And like I said before, we'll see how things go from here on out.

Bugs and Bobs

So now I have a sassy new haircut, done by a guy who was the artistic director for Vidal Sassoon for something like 15 years. Today someone said he was the best hairdresser in California. Okay, sure. Yes, I like the haircut. It's one of those things that's mostly the same but a little different. I have bangs. Short ones. Anyway, I'm waiting a couple of days to take a picture to let it grow on me a bit. Plus I'm going through a weird secretive phase where I'm not real keen on putting pictures of myself on the internet. Let's call it a short hiatus. So after the haircut, I went to the bar a couple of blocks away where a hot bartender works and flirted a bit. Nothing came of it, of course, but you know, it's good to stay in practice.

Yesterday I went to the new office and helped out, as much as a person like me can help out. And now, I have made a decision that I'm not going to go there again until the place is fumigated. I have flea bites on my feet, back, stomach, arms, and even my neck. Even though it's not my fault, I still feel dirty and gross because of them. It's like being a leper or something. I'm retying desperately not to scratch them and they itch like hell. Gross. No one wants to be around a flea-bitten anything, myself included. So until the fleas are taken care of, I'm going to be scarce at the new place. Flea bites suck.

So I game home tonight and felt like I needed to do something, so I did a short workout, including situps and so on. I'm determined to get a flat belly back, even if it's cold again by the time I do and no one will be able to see it. It's just something I have to do, to prove to myself that I'm not that old. I also stretched tonight, and I noticed that I'm getting more flexible. I'm looking forward to being able to stretch with out that burn, but there is a weird muscle in my leg that really doesn't want to cooperate. It's not my groin exactly, but it's near there. More towards the back, like it might be part of my hamstring, but not. It's a smaller muscle and might be some sort of connector ligament or something. I don't know, but it's really holding me back and I don't appreciate it. On the upside, I'm very close to being able to do the splits (on one side) again. That will be a good day.

On another note, the new boy called me yesterday. The one I haven't seen since I went on vacation. That's close to two months. Anyway, I always get a weird feeling with him, like he's picking up exactly where he left off, because there doesn't seem to be any hesitation in his voice and he talks like we just talked yesterday. And then we talk, and then one of us has to go, and the conversation stops for another week or month or whatever. I do feel like he likes me; I just don't understand the hot and cold thing. And nothing's really happening; we're just talking from time to time. I'm confused. Again. And I really wish I could figure it out so I could move on or whatever I need to be doing. So maybe yes, maybe no. Who knows?

So anyway, my life right now feels like a bipolar rollercoaster through the coolest things and the most ridiculous. Fleas and designer haircuts in one weekend. Who else gets that?

LeBron and Me

Here is today's reason why I'm not like most people: I don't give a rat's ass who LeBron plays for. I didn't even know today was the day something was going to happen where he would go to a team. No, I was concerned about the Emmy nominations, and that Mad Men and Glee got a whole bunch. That Jay Leno was snubbed while Conan was nominated. That 30 Rock was nominated for a fourth time, but is up against such strong new competition it is a longshot to win. This, in a nutshell, is why most people think I'm strange. Or why they just don't seem to get me. I also don't give a rat's ass about the World Cup. nor am I going to pretend to in order to make other people think I'm cool or hip. I fucking hate watching soccer. It's boring. Like tennis and golf.

Another reason my life is weird to most people: I get calls from ridiculous people. Like HBO. Yes, HBO called me today asking for my help with something. Later a local TV news producer called me and the last thing I did before leaving the office was starting the process of getting my ticket to Madrid. Exciting, right?

And now I'm sitting on my couch watching local news, and what I'm looking forward to doing this weekend is getting my hair cut. That's how boring my life actually is. No plans, no friends, no nothing, unless it has to do with work. That's the only part of my life that's interesting, and that's why I'm weird.

That, and LeBron.

Earth Moving

There was another earthquake today. They feel like being on a boat. Which seems kind of okay, until you remember that you are on a couch in a building and there should be no rocking. And it's hard to tell when it's over. I don't really mind them a whole lot, but they are a bit unnerving. I sit here and wait to see if it will get stronger or weaker, then at some point I think about Haiti and where I should be that would be safest. But I still just sit here and wait. Before Easter 2010, I think I had felt about 3 earthquakes in the seven years(almost) I've been here. Since April there've been about 5 or 6. And they've been stronger than the ones I felt before. It would appear that the 'big one' may in fact be coming, which makes me think I might be sorry that I laughed at the crazy guy who posted the warning video for all of California and said to have emergency 'everything' ready. However, if the weirdo is right, I'll be in Spain when the 'big one' happens anyway.

I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I've been really sleepy today. I didn't wake up until after 10, and I would have stayed in bed if I didn't have to go to class. When I came home between classes, I had to resist the urge to take a nap. And now it's not even midnight and I'm sleepy. I'm used to getting up before 9 and being awake until 12:30 or so. This is a strange feeling for me, and I hope it's temporary.

Tomorrow I go to work again, and I have a new intern starting. Hopefully he won't suck, which will mean that I will be able to delegate a lot of things to him that I normally have to do. I'm also determined to practice speaking Spanish as much as possible, with as many people as possible. I want to at least seem intelligent when I get there. That's all.

Long and Short

So back to work. Good thing I'm not a mathematician. Everything went much better than I thought it would. Not that anything really amazing happened, but I didn't get the scolding I was expecting. It did take a while for me to get my boss caught up on everything that had happened in his absence, though. But here is the breaking, awesome beyond awesome news: I'm going to Spain. For real. I made the hotel reservation today. Technically, it could be cancelled, but some money would be lost. And money shouldn't be lost, so I'll be going. I'm really stoked. It still seems kind of unreal and crazy, but it's done. So New York in July, San Sebastian in September, Napa in October. It seems pretty cool that I'm going to be traveling a bit this year. I like traveling, and those are pretty cool places to travel. I'm a little nervous, but only because it seems so impossible and improbable. The only downside is that I'll be doing all of these things by myself, and those are all places where it would be better if there were someone there to enjoy it with you. But fear not, I'll be taking lots of pictures. Ridiculous amounts of pictures. I really hope I get a raise, too.

My office, as it turns out, is going to move as well. They are planning to sign the lease tomorrow, and then it will be a done deal. We'll probably start moving our office within the next few weeks, which will be a little nuts. It also means new business cards, new signs, and a whole lot of other stuff that have to do with me peripherally. I am looking forward to the new business cards, as the color on the last bunch was a little disappointing. I know it sounds silly, but it's the little things that make me happy. Plus, the best part about the new place is that I'll be able to walk to work, which I'm hoping will save me a fortune on gas money.

So I guess that's the long and short of it. I'm going far away, and staying close to home all at the same time.

In the busy

It's back to work tomorrow. We'll see how everything shakes out with the boss back in town. It should be an interesting week. Supposedly I'm getting a haircut next weekend from some super duper designer haircutter person, but I have no idea what time, or what they're going to do to my hair. The summer is almost half over, and summer school is 2 weeks into the 8 week session. So 33% over, I guess. Sometimes it seems like the summer is going really quickly, and sometimes it seems like it's dragging so slowly. It's one of those strange things where I have things going on, but I have a lot of things coming up as well. I'm in the midst of busy, with more busy coming up, but I have just enough time to be occasionaly bored and dread/look forward to the next thing.

I have a Spanish test tomorrow; I'm not sure if I'm ready. But then I remind myself that I'm taking it for credit only, and it starts to seem a lot less important. So anyway, I'm guessing I'll have issues to discuss in the coming weeks, but that remains to be seen. Until then, I have to go to the office, then practice the Spanish. Ay carumba!

Excuses

I'm determined to enjoy my 3 day weekend. Determined, I tell you. So far it's proving to be difficult. I was going to go to Tijuana today to have dinner with some friends, but when I came home, my house smelled like gas, so I spent the next three and a half hours waiting for the gas company to come and figure out what was wrong with my stove. Fun.

My boss has been on vacation for the past 2 weeks, not answering a single email I sent to him during that time. So there are a few things that haven't been done because I needed information or approval from him before finishing. So it looks like today he came back to town, as I know have over twenty emails from him. Some of them are responses to things I sent (although not the crucial ones, for some reason), and some of them are just new things that I have previously heard nothing about. One involved me asking someone else about a movie that we have NEVER DISCUSSED showing, and he asked if I had already done it. What? Really? So now being psychic is part of my job description? Along with everything else? I am actually dreading his return to the office, as I'm sure that whatever I've done, there is going to be something that I haven't done that he thinks is more important than anything I have accomplished. That's what happens when I'm left on my own. I just do what I think is important. Hmm. I spent most of today making sure I had my pile of crap to have physical evidence of my work. Not sure why I'm so paranoid about it; just call it a feeling. I think lately I've felt like I'm being taken for granted and no one really cares about what I do. Sometimes it seems like the things I do are not important to people as part of the future of the organization. Like I'm being edged out and no one cares that I want to do more. It's the kind of situation where they give you a pat on the head and say, that's fine, just leave everything as it is. Don't bother trying to make things bigger or better because no one really cares about what you do. That's the most awesome feeling when the whole organization is in the beginning of what feels like a major overhaul. My position is expendable, or at the very least, marginal. So no, I'm not really looking forward to Tuesday a whole lot.

I made a list of things to do this weekend, and it's fairly long. I'm hoping to catch up on several things that I've been putting off, as well as getting some work done that I should have done a long time ago. I'm hoping procrastination won't get the better of me.

I'm planning on going to a cookout on Sunday, but I'm not sure where. A girl I work with invited me to hers, and another friend invited me to hers as well. I accepted both invitations, mostly because both of them are notorious for flaking out, and there's nothing to stop me from going to both anyway. I just want to see fireworks, as I didn't last year, or the year before. It's just no fun to watch fireworks alone, and since my friends are generally lame, that's usually what happens. I think I watched them on tv last year.

Anyway, the hectic summer is upon me, and will continue for another 6 weeks. I'm glad to be busy; it keeps me out of trouble. It also gives me excuses.