Singlehood

Yesterday I finally finished the film. Now I just have the written part to do. I should have done it today, but I really wanted to goof off instead. I did get a few cute dresses and a sassy pair of shoes. So now that I have some time to look around and see everything around me, I'm extra certain that I don't want to be alone anymore. I have the outfits, now I just need somewhere to wear them. And some money to buy lots of swanky martinis at the downtown meet markets. I'm sure I can meet a man of quality there, right?

I went on a date with another internet guy, and I haven't talked to him since then. Turns out, he knows the ex, and spoke glowingly of him before I could steer the conversation in another direction. It also turns out that he is cheap, and could only manage to tip a dollar and some change on $23 worth of drinks. Yes, that's a dealbreaker. I started looking at other guys online, and there's really not a lot out there. And I want to say that all those people are losers, but I'm one of them. So am I a loser? Do people look at my picture online and say "wtf?" "who does thick chick think she is? Who would want to date a skank like that?

I think I am normal and can offer lots of nice perks to a guy, but it seems like I'm having delusions of grandeur since none of the dudes out there seem to agree.

So since I'm nearly done with school and all that entails, I'm wondering if this begins a constant downward spiral into oblivion by gathering stray cats and screaming random obscenities while I stand next to a shopping cart full of plastic bags and brandishing by useless degrees at unsuspecting passers-by. California is supposed to be some sort of amazing place where all is sunshine and rainbows, but not much good has happened to me since I've been here. And I hear we have more bounce out here, but my bounce isn't getting me anywhere. I seem to only have a knack for finding guys who only want to use me until something better (or less interesting) comes along. Are the guys out here all suffering from brain tumors or something? Has the sun cooked through their skulls?

I can't believe a hottie like me is perpetually single.

p.s. Did you hear that my movie is done????

Laying in bed

So tonight I was watching Sex and the City, the episode where Carrie moves to Paris and meets Alexsandr's daughter and the daughter is a real bitch to her for no reason. And it made me think of Monsieur Retardo and his oh so rude and unfashionable Frenchie, and now the oh so unnatractive and completely uninteresting Frenchie II (I mean really, how does a guy find TWO chicks that look exactly alike and are not even pretty???).

And then I think about how hard it has been for me to find even one person who is willing to put up with me for more than a day. Coffee guy stopped calling about two weeks ago. Marriott guy hardly even talks to me anymore. It really isn't supposed to be this hard to find someone that is worth putting up with.

And then after that I think about Professor Douchebag, who ruined multiple lives with his lying and cheating and general assholeishness, and right now he is happy and sleeping next to someone that believe he loves her, even though he is most likely cheating on her, and even though she deserves it because she is a lying cheating whore and is just as bad as he is.

So I'm thinking that karma doesn't exist and there's no point to believing in anything because it will only be disappointing in the end. And the more I try to hold out hope, the more hurt I get for no reason because I haven't done anything to deserve feeling like this for so much of my life.

It makes everything else that much harder to get through, whether it's school or work or just driving around or going to the beach. Most days I just want to lay in bed and watch tv. And some days I do. Some days I try to do something about it. And then I get hurt by something, so I lay in bed some more.