For My Next Gift

I figured out today that at the moment I have a D in the online film class I'm taking. That's pretty lame. I'm going to claim that it isn't my fault, because her test questions are misleading and she requires us to log in at specific times, which makes the whole point of an online class pretty much moot. I'll be lucky to pull out a B in this fucking class. It pisses me off.

I'm still trying to lose weight. I'm not sure how it's going. I just know that I don't want to wear any clothes that show my gut because it seems to only get bigger. I'd also like to get rid of the protective layer of fat on my back.

On the upside, I think I may be on the verge of figuring out how to do my hair. And I saw a picture from my birthday and I look hot. I'll try to attach it somewhere. It's kind of a big file.

I think I really need to get strict about my schedule. I've been sucking at staying organized since I don't have classes to go to anymore. I just kind of do whatever every day. And since I don't have a normal work schedule, I never really know what I'm doing. I just know that it feels like I never have any free time. I haven't been to the beach in over a month. I don't even remember when I was last there. What a waste.

My horoscope said I would have a "life change", i.e. a new career in autumn, so I'm waiting for it. I'm sure you know that I'm pretty anxious to get there already. Then maybe I can have a relatively normal life. Right now it feels like I'm just wasting lots of time. I haven't painted in almost two months. I also haven't written anything in I don't know how long. I hate feeling like I don't do anything worthwhile. Hopefully it's just a temporary rut. My horoscope says my life will pretty much suck until 2010. That's a long time to wait for things to improve.

Hopefully I won't be single for that long. Because as you well know, I'm REALLY tired of that. Being the princess that I am, I have a hard time functioning for long periods of time without being adored. I think I have been out of the spotlight long enough. Now if I only had single friends that could go out with me to the clubs. Not that I would meet any quality dudes, but it might at least satisfy the need to be the center of attention. The last cool guy I met at a bar was Mormon Dave. And he was married. To only one woman, as far as I know...

Anyway, thanks again for the package. You're awesome. Now send me an adoring fan who is also great in the sack.

Little Stuff

I got the package. I'm excited to listen to it! You always know the stuff that I should have.

So I saw today that CU beat OU. I have to say, that's pretty awesome. That's how we roll in Colorado; just when you think we're the crappiest team in football, we go and beat somebody really good. I'm stoked. Now the Broncos need to do the same.

I'm having difficulty with work, and it's starting to get in the way of getting a new job because I'm working too much to get the schedules coordinated.

That's pretty much it.

Nothing really new.

Down or out

I hate it when I get depressed for no reason. Or for stupid reasons. But you know how things add up. So I'm older, and that kind of sucks. Today I tried on two pairs of slacks (the only two I have), and they are both too small. I bought one pair six months ago and the other three years ago. I feel like a fat ass. One pais I couldn't even get buttoned. I've started breaking out; I don't know if it's from wearing makeup more often or from the stress of my job. And by the way, I still hate my job. And dread going to it every day.

It sucks that I spent so much time and energy getting an education and I can't seem to get out of the service industry. I'm tired of looking. And being poor.

And of course I'm still not happy about being 32 and not having a dude around to worship me. Or even just pay attention to me on a regular basis. And I don't know where to meet anyone new that might actually be interesting and attractive.

I've been trying really hard to stay positive about everything, but sometimes it's really hard when there's very little that seems to be going well for me right now. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll feel better about everything, but at the moment, it seems like everything sucks. I especially feel bad about feeling fat. Before, I could at least take comfort in knowing that I wasn't gaining weight. It's like my ass and my waist are just getting bigger and there's nothing I can do about it. It feels like there's nothing I can do about any of the things that aren't going right. Or that I've been doing everything I can do to make things better.

I suppose it's not that big a deal if I get depressed about things every now and then. I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better. I hate being depressed. It makes me not want to talk to my friends or do stuff that's fun. I really wish I had single friends, because I get so tired of being ditched for boys and no one wants to hang out with me on a Saturday night.

Sometimes I think Craig might be trying to date me, but he can be so flaky sometimes, and he isn't terribly romantic if that's what he's going for. He's very non-committal about calling or hanging out. He's nice to me, but just not that romantic. He's more of a sex friend, except that we don't hang out that often, so I'm still not getting a whole lot of action.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. I should feel better tomorrow.

Down

I should be ecstatic. It's my birthday. But I'm kind of not this morning. I got rejected from two separate festivals, bringing the grand total so far to 6. It's not looking good for my film. I also hate my job, and just found out the chef walked out yesterday, and since he was my friend, that's not good. Why can't the people who suck leave that place? They always stick around for some reason.

Remember the museum job? I found out that the person that got it was an undergrad at State, and I remember her because she once cried to get into a class I was TAing for. Ridiculous. I'm desperately trying to find another job. I'm going to see about a teaching job today, but it's only part time. They know me there, though, so this could be good. I also am crossing my fingers for a part time job at UCSD, so we'll see what happens there.

I feel fat. That sucks all by itself.

I'm afraid that no one is going to come to my party tonight. There are several people who are still in the "maybe" column. At this point, it might just be me and Ginger.

I'm getting my hrr did today. I'm hoping that will cheer me up.

Checking In

So I'm exhausted from working at 6 am for the past three days. I'm behind on everything else I need to be doing because I was unprepared for all this working. I hate my job. But then you already knew that. How did you like the movie? Today I applied for a job as an admin assistant at a film production company. It only pays 10/hr (which is FAR less than I'm worth), but I would be willing to suck it up for a while if there might be a chance for advancement into the film part of the company. I also have an audition at Sea World on the 26th to sing in one of their holiday whale shows. I guess I would be the Sheena E to Shamu's Prince? If I got the job, there would be no holiday season for me, though. The only days I would have to myself would be Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. They even have a show on New Year's Eve. Not a huge deal, but I've kind of gotten used to going home for the holidays. Plus my sister has girl #3 on the way soon, so I'd like to visit at some point before she grows up and starts dating boys.

I'm also making preparations for my birthday extravaganza this coming weekend. I bought my special birthday frock the other day, so I'll be sure to look sassy for the occasion. Yes, I'll be sure to take lots of pictures. I invited both Jess and Craig, and Ginger said that would bring drama, but if it does, it would only be because they are both idiots. Neither one of them owns me, or even has a partial stake (they've both made it fairly clear that they aren't interested in dating me), so they have no place in making any sort of territorial claims. I belong to no man. Ha!

I'm really sad that Colorado (football) is so bad. But seriously, if they can keep their shit together and not have any of the administrative problems of the past 10 years, they could be really good in another 5 years. And I don't know which teams these names are on, but during the broadcast of the CU/FSU game, I heard the names Fagg and Buttfacker. No matter how rough our childhoods might have been, theirs were DEFINITELY worse. They pretty much had to become football players or else get their asses kicked every single day. P.S. The guy for CU that snaps the ball (Center?), needs to have his ass kicked. I've seen 2 bad snaps and I haven't even watched the whole game.

The Past Week

Here are some things I have learned in the past week:

1. My job sucks. But I can get another one.
2. The dudes I know pay a lot more attention to me when I act like I don't care what they do.
3. I've gone up a whole pant size since one year ago.
4. I am a confident enough woman that I can hit on a professional football player, and I am secure enough to be rejected and not get upset about it.
5. There are good looking linebackers in the NFL. We don't have to rely on Peyton Manning to be the only hottie.
6. I love buying new clothes because having them in my closet makes me feel pretty. Because I know I can look hot any time I choose.
7. This is the hottest I have ever been-attitude wise. Now if I can just get that 19 year old body back....
8. My ex is indeed an idiot. He doesn't realize he doesn't fit in with the cool kids (i.e. me and Ginger). He needs to stop trying to talk to us.
9. I helped raise over 10 thousand bucks by volunteering to help organize an art auction.
10. I am the healthiest of all my friends. Mentally and physically.
11. Cheap shoes are never a good idea when walking is involved.
12. I can be very charming when I want to be. Not to mention funny.
13. College kids will write decent papers if you scare them enough. But they will still be unable to follow directions.
14. I can list my skills in an interview and make it sound like I actually have some that are valuable.
15. I look much better with dark hair. "Espresso" is the new color for me. Next is a haircut.
16. Complacency can happen to anyone. And complacency is the enemy of creativity.
17. I still look like a student.
18. I hate my job. They suck.

The Face of Evil

I have come to the conclusion that Leona Helmsley was the biggest bitch that ever lived. She had no soul. What kind of person leaves the majority of their fortune to a stupid dog and then leaves nothing to 2 grandchildren? I don't really care what they might have done; that's no excuse to give it to your dog. I haven't seen anything that would leave me to believe that anyone in the entire world ever thought anything nice about that woman. So, I guess I can be comfoted, because no matter what, no one will ever hate me as much as they hate her. I'm glad she's gone. She's gross.

This has been a very boring weekend for me. It's so hot. All I want to do is sleep. Ginger went to Nascar today. I told her to stay at least 6 rows from the track. She has no idea what she's getting into. I think it's kind of funny. She and her idiot "boyfriend". I think the only reason she stays with him (besides the fact that she doesn't know how to be alone) is because he takes her places. I'm sick of the both of them.

I'm trying to get a lecture together for my next class. It's not until next week, but I hate feeling unprepared. I don't think I have any other news.