Trifecta

I'm a little sad by recent deaths. No one I knew personally, but people I thought were good. Ok, I'm not terribly sad about Bill Walsh, just surprised. I didn't realize he had leukemia. But he did good things for football and wasn't a jerk like Michael Vick, who I never liked, but now I REALLY don't like him.

Ingmar Bergman died yesterday too. I love stuff he did. You can't not love a guy who gets his film spoofed in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. I haven't seen all his films, but I liked the ones I saw and had great respect for him. Then today Michelangelo Antonioni died. I knew it was coming since he was 94, but it's definitely the end of a legacy. I think The Passenger is my favorite, but I really liked Blow-Up too. How could one forget a young and beautiful Vanessa Redgrave? he did like naked women more than is really necessary, but I guess you win some, you lose some.

So the trifecta is complete, I guess. No more dying for a while.

I stopped going to therapy and I also stopped the drugs. We'll see how it goes. I actually stopped a couple of weeks ago, but I know it'll take a while for me to really feel the difference. I think everything will be fine.

Still no job, no boyfriend. I donated 4 paintings to charity today for an auction. Hopefully someone will want to buy them for a decent price. It would be embarrassing if there were no bids on any of them.

I applied for a job at ESPN in CT. I'm not expecting anything, but you never know. I kind of decided last night that there's really no reason for me to stay here. Not much good has happened to me since I've been here. SD has bad mojo, I guess. Not that I'm hell bent to leave, but I'm looking at other options.

La La

So today I was in the shower and I got to thinking about the fact that I have been single for what seems like forever, but really about three years. The longest I have ever been single. Ever. I could tell you how long it's been since I got laid, but let's just say it's been a while. Too long. The women that I'm friends with have all managed to get boyfriends, ironically enough when I'm not around. So it got me to thinking about the article I read the other night about how knowing fat people can make you fat, and maybe I'm like the relationship version of that. When my girlfriends stop hanging out with me, they get boyfriends. When they hang out with me, they don't have boyfriends. So maybe I'm actually some sort of curse when it comes to men. It would explain why I'm perpetually single and why I haven't been able to find anything worthwhile even though I've actually put myself out there as much as I can. I've done everything I can think of; the online thing, bars, mixers, parties, gallery openings, volunteer work. And I haven't been on three dates with the same guy since a year ago.

And I'm still trying to figure it out. I have friends that have tried to set me up and friends that say oh you're so great I don't understand why you're single, and of course, the friend who always says,"It didn't work out with me and so-and-so, but you should date him..." Yes, I'm such a sad case that my friends try to give me their leftovers. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it.

And I've still been trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I know there's stuff wrong with me, but there's a lot of good things about me too, right?

So, since I've graduated, I started spending my time at home and going to the beach. I spend a lot of time by myself. Some days (like today) I manage to get through the whole day without speaking to a single person.

p.s. I'm surprised you still check this every day.