Last Days

OH MY GOD. I just saw Dick Clark on TV and he is very scary. He really needs to hang it up. Does he have throat cancer or something? His voice sounds terrible. Tres terrible.

Last year I said that it was the worst year ever. I guess that would make this the second worst. Plus, for the extra added bonus, I'm spending yet another New Year's Eve at home drinking champagne. Alone. Everyone I know is either sick or out of town or is just an asshole. But that's nothing new, right? I made my resolutions, which of course, have something to do with the boys I talk to (who are clearly scum and don't deserve to breathe the same air as me). I miss the old days living in NC when I had peopole around me who actually cared about me. Cali is clearly much different. I'm starting to seriously think about moving somewhere else. It doesn't really matter where. I just know that here sucks.

I love that an eight year old just said that her NYE resolution is to quit smoking. And the kid next to her has resolved to stop playing the lottery. Nice. I love it when they make fools of idiot people with mics. Mine is to stop crying; specifically to stop crying about idiot dudes who treat me like crap. It seems so redundant when you think about it.

I flew back into SD today and I almost burst into tears as I was getting off the plane because I knew that no one cared enough about me to pick me up. No one in a town of 1 million people cares about me enough to pick me up from the airport. The last conversation I had of 2007 was with some guy from Canada. I don't even know his name, but I would bet he was in his fifties. I feel really lame for being here for the new year because it only makes me realize how many friends I don't have. Feeling alone is becoming more of a habit than a fleeting situation.

My horoscope says my life is going to suck until 2010. I guess that's the only thing for me to be excited about; that I'm one year closer to not being miserable. I have to wait until I'm 35 to find any happiness. Aren't you glad you aren't me now?

Holidays

Why are sportscasters so obnoxious? Why do local newscasters think their banter is charming or funny?

I'm going home on Monday. My flight leaves very early in the morning. That sucks. I'm usually excited to go home for a while, but this time it just seems depressing. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I keep realizing that leaving here doesn't mean much to anyone. And being there I'm always out of place. I guess I live in perpetual limbo. I don't really belong anywhere. You would think I would have some sort of niche here, but I really feel like I don't. I feel very disconnected from all the people I know here. Whatever. I guess I'll just be old and lonely for the rest of my life. And I'll live in this studio the whole time and people will be impressed when they hear I live in La Jolla and then be disappointed when they actually see where I live. And there will be no cats for me. I keep thinking things will be different this year, but they never are. And I keep thinking about how my horoscope said my life was going to suck until 2010. So basically until I'm 35. Which means I'll continue to be a disappointment to my parents because I can't snag a man and procreate so they can have grandkids. Anyway, that's about it for now. It's the holidays, and I'm depressed. What else is new?