Yuck

I'm extremely depressed today. I don't really know why. Probably a combination of things. The weather is cloudy and rainy, and will be for the next few days. I also saw a very sad movie this morning; you know, one of those ones that makes you want to cry but you don't because it's just a movie but it still feels like you want to bawl your face off about the whole thing. I'm also looking for a new place, which is always a little exciting but also a little depressing and scary. The boy called me today and we chatted, and that made me sad because I don't think I'll be hearing from him for a long time. He also told me he and boring horse face girl are planning a trip to Italy, which actually made my stomach turn a little. And I've been a little sick to my stomach all day for some reason. I got to school and saw Prof D-bag, and was instantly reminded of the rumor that he's getting married to whore girl, and that wasn't great either. I'm tired and burnt out on pretty much everything, even though I've been trying to keep up and act like a go-getter type of person who has way more energy than I actually do. I think it's just one of those times when I'm tired of fending for myself and having no one on my side that wants to help me. No support or encouragement from anyone. It makes this town feel so much bigger and less friendly when I have no one to talk to.

We're watching Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure in class tonight. Maybe that will make me feel better. I hope so, because I still have a bunch of stuff to do when I get home tonight. Volunteering is hard work.

I think a fist fight between Mike and Roy would cheer me up. Could you set that up for me?

News of the Weird

I'm fighting some sort of disease, and it's not doing good things for my energy level. This morning I was awakened at 8 am by construction outside my house. It was basically a low frequency rumble that was constant until I left the house 3 hours later. It was rattling my windows. I wanted to shoot myself in the head. It is extremely unpleasant to wake up 90 minutes early when I didn't even get home last night until midnight. I've been tired and cranky all day because of it. I really just want a day to do whatever I want, which is lay in bed and veg out. Or maybe go out and party. Just not get up early and be gone all day.

It looks like I'll be moving soon. And I'll have a roommate. It should save me some money, which would be nice since I really need to save money for school. And get out of debt. The situation with my teaching job is a little up in the air for next year because of budget cuts, but the word is, they tenatively have me down for 2 classes, which is enough to keep my benefits. That makes me happy. There's a possibility that another one might be available, but nobody really knows at this point. I'd still like to get a second part time job that I don't hate and is in my field, but there's no rush at the moment. I just need to get out of the other job before something really bad happens. A friend is batting around the idea of a lawsuit against the company, which the company would most certainly lose. That's how bad it is.

I heard (again) that Professor Douchebag is engaged. A friend at school (who is on staff, not a student) told me she got an e-mail with said information. I asked her who from, and she said she was pretty sure it was from Prof. D-bag himself. She's going to forward it to me if she hasn't deleted it and can find it. I find it interesting that two people who are hypocrites and liars and have no idea what loyalty and honesty are think they can get married. I also find it interesting that a man who said he "wasn't the marrying kind" thinks he's going to shack up with a woman who ran out on her last engagement. I hope both of them go down in a ball of fire. Or better yet, they get married and end up with a messy bitter expensive divorce. On some level I wish I didn't care, but I'm afraid I do. I can't help it. I suck.

Anyway, I think that's about it. Hope you are well.

Nothing New

I have nothing new to say. I would like to believe that I do, but when it really comes down to it, I don't do anything new. I keep having the same problems with the same guys and making the same mistakes with them. I got drunk on VD Day with the one that keeps trampling me and I spent the night there and we kind of messed around and when I woke up the next day I was really sad because it was the same as always and I don't really matter because someone else is more special. I also felt really stupid, because on some ridiculous level, it was worth it. Basically I suck.

I went out today with another guy that I've known for a while and he and I hook up from time to time and today he mentioned that he told his dad we were dating. I was somewhat surprised, but it definitely gives me something to think about. What if he ends up being my boyfriend? He lives 45 minutes away and has a habit of being flaky, although he's been a lot more reliable in recent weeks than he has been in the past. I don't know, maybe to him, dating is the same thing as hanging out is to me.

I am probably going to be moving soon so I can save some money because I feel like there's too much money going out and not enough coming in. I might even have a roommate. How weird. I'm still not sure about the whole thing. But I must say that it feels like my life is about to change in a major way, although I don't know exactly how. All I know is that I really want my mojo back because it has been gone for way to long and I miss it a whole lot. And I'm ready for good things to happen in my life. And for bad things to stop happening. Seriously.

???

Ok, you've been quiet lately. What's up? I know you had some sort of shakeup at work, but you never really elaborated. Government scandal? I just applied to work at a summer camp teaching video editing, and listed your school as a place I would be willing to work. Wanna see me all summer long???? I bet you would loooove that.

My film finally got accepted to some festival in Oklahoma. So now my film is 1-21. That's a lot of rejections. I won't be able to go to it though, since it's in April and I have teaching obligations. They would show my film on a Tuesday. How convenient.

I'm also doing work for the local Latino Film Festival. I really need to learn Spanish. Just knowing the swear words is not enough. It should be fun. And it's a little something for the resume too.

School is going well. I'm a student now. Sort of.

Love life sucks ass. As always. It keeps me awake at night. And not in a good way.

The weather here is beautiful. It's times like this that make me remember why I don't want to live somewhere else.

In a nutshell, that's it. Hope you are well.

Happy Fat/Super Tuesday

Happy Fat/Super Tuesday. I voted and wore some beads that were actually little tiny dice strung together. So I guess that makes me a true American. Or something like that. I met up with Ginger the frenemy, who wasted no time in telling me that she and her other friend were going to Mardi Gras downtown and they had passes to the VIP tent where alcohol was free. She also made sure to remind me how much fun she had last year (again, without me). What a whore. She also said her boyfriend was being a jerk, and I responded that this is nothing new. Of course, she mentioned V-day about 20 times and asked me what I was doing that day. I said that once I get home from class I'll get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Completely unfazed, she mentioned that she has a bottle of champagne I could drink. Bitch. Then she complained that a couple of weeks ago she had 2 guys paying attention to her and now she has none. I told her that I had zero a couple weeks ago and I have zero now, so I wasn't going to feel even a little bit sorry for her. This is someone who freaks out if I don't call her back the same day she calls me and has a crisis at least once a week, but when she is having fun, she doesn't have any idea who I am. I haven't even vested much time in her lately and she still manages to piss me off in less than 10 minutes. Arrgh.

I saw a movie tonight with a group of people. It's my first time with these people, and some of them seemed cool, albeit geeky. However, once the movie was over, I made sure to get a good look at the two women sitting behind me, as they couldn't shut up for the whole film. One more time: no one wants to hear what you think about what is happening on the screen. Your disapproving clucks and comments like "sanctimonious" and "sad" are not only unnecessary and fucking annoying, but stupid. Shut your fat face (use popcorn if you have to) and keep your comments to yourself. In internet speak: STFU!

I saw There Will Be Blood. Loved it. Hated those bitches behind me.

Ha Ha Ha

Ha ha Tom Brady; I always knew you were overrated. That's ok though, if you come over I can kiss it and make you feel better. Just don't talk. I just saw a YouTube video of Chris Berman freaking out; it was awesome. It's one of those things that makes you want to hit him on the head. One of the other things is those awful ties he always wears. Is his stylist retarded?

Anyway, I watched the game, but couldn't find anyone to make out with. I did try. I was told I should go to a supercross race or monster truck thing because there's lots of guys at those things. I pointed out that missing teeth and mullets aren't hot for me. Plus those guys don't get my wit.

I keep reminding myself that I need to vote on Tuesday. I saw on the news that Maria Shriver is endorsing Obama. I think it's the first time since Arnold took office that I've seen her speak about anything, much less politics. I think it's especially interesting when you consider her jerkoff of a husband endorsing whichever idiot he thinks will win.

It's been raining a lot here. I think it's supposed to get warmer soon. I hope so, because then I can wear my hot weather clothes. Which are, by the way, hot.

I'm boring today.

February

So in light of plummeting interest rates, I decided to pay off the majority of my credit card debt by taking out a heap o money from my savings account. I'm hoping I'll feel much better when I see a bunch of zeros on my account. I'm also hoping to use the money I normally spend on my credit card for my savings.

I was a kind of good girl today and graded some papers. I still have more to grade, but I'm having a hard time getting to it. I am, however, working on class stuff; mostly lectures and so forth.

A friend of mine asked me to come to her Superbowl party tomorrow. I'll probably stop by. She's starting it at 1pm; I didn't have the heart to tell her the game doesn't even start until 6. I also know that she doesn't give a shit about the game. She knows so little about football, I had to explain to her what and where Mile High Stadium was. That's ok, I'm not super concerned about the game. I don't care who wins. 18-0 is amazing, but I hate the Patriots. The Giants got lucky, and there is no personality on their team. They are like toast. Dry, white toast. I just want some drinks and someone to play doctor with.

My depression is waning; maybe it was just the weather or something. Not like I don't believe my life is still ridiculously screwed up, but today I'm ok with it. Or at least less upset about it. It's amazing what a couple of friendly phone calls do for morale.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Happy February.

Something Extra

I'm trying to get organized. I finally unpacked everything and put away my luggage from my trip two weeks ago. Yes, I'm a little behind. I'm also hoping to get myself distracted from the crappy week I've had. I should be grading papers, but of course I'm not. I finally made myself a DVD reel of my work. I'm still learning how to make menus for the DVD, but at least I have one done for now. It only took me a year.

I think I'm going to spend the Superbowl at the bar down the street. By myself. I'm working on being ok with it. Who knows, maybe there will be some hot La Jollan guy there that I can make up with while I think about Tom Brady. I can't stand Tom Brady, but he's still easy on the eyes so it's ok. I would make out with him. He could be my baby daddy. At least I know he could afford child support. I would like to make out with someone. I like making out. Do you? Do married people ever even make out? I hope so since then at least one of us is getting some tongue. And maybe a little something extra.