Weekend

I finally managed to get some action. It only took 9 months. That's sad. Or it's proof of just how picky I am. No one new, just an old standby. Is that rude?

I am doing nothing this weekend. I have a meeting at work today (genius, isn't it, to schedule mandatory meetings the Friday of a holiday weekend?), but other than that, I have nothing planned. There's some chores I should do, and I will if I feel like it. I'm still broke and unemployed, so there's not much I can do on that sort of budget. I also just paid the rent, which has wiped me out for a few weeks. I might paint this weekend. I haven't touched the portrait all week. In fact, I covered it up the other day so I wouldn't even have to look at it. Maybe that will give me a new perspective when I do work on it again.

I found out that Ginger is going out telling people that I hate her. Nice. I suppose she has a talent for bending the truth and twisting my words so that she becomes the victim. Oh well. She can do whatever she wants. I have little to no desire to hang out with her. I help her and then I become a bad guy. That's the MO.

It has been really hot here lately. Even out at the beach, where there is usually some sort of breeze. Just walking around yesterday made me sweaty. I'm not into it. And not every place has AC. The mall is outdoors. My house is ok, as long as I'm not already sweating. I'm definitely not used to this anymore. I had ice cream yesterday and I was very nice. I had to eat fast before it melted, though.

I think I'm going to paint my fingernails black today. I think it looks cool. And supposedly it's really in style right now. Yeah, I'm hip. That's all for now. Tell me when you get the package.

Class

The first day of class was Monday. I think it went pretty well. It's weird to not be a student anymore, because I know I don't look or act or dress like a professor, but I'm definitely not one of them. I'm almost old enough to be their mom. Weird. I finally got a letter from the museum telling me to never talk to them again. They found someone else "more qualified". Yeah, right. Whatever. They paid crap anyway.

I've also been sending my film to more festivals. I am thinking how great it would be to have a stack of rejection letters in my house. I think I will start a collection. I wish I hadn't thrown some of them away.

Just FYI, the 'e' on my keyboard is acting weird, so if I'm missing a few, that's why. I'm trying to watch for it, though.

Did you get your package? I sent it on Monday. I hope you like it.

Ok, changing the subject completely. I guess about a couple months ago, I stopped going to therapy and stopped taking the drugs they gave me. And I have to say, I feel so much better. Yeah, I still have days that truly suck, and sometimes I still think I'm crazy, but for the most part, I feel like I have been more of my old self. I'm not worried about the boys in my life, because they are idiots for not being more doting. I do lament the lack of action, but oh well. And, I know they want me, they're just idiots and so on. I also have seen the douchebag ex (aka Professor Cokehead/Professor Douchebag) a couple of time since school started, and I really feel nothing. I feel like I don't want to talk to him, but my stomach doesn't turn like it used to. He really is dead to me now. I would prefer to not see his whore girlfriend trailing along with him like a puppy, but then I remember that she is fat and boring, so whatever. I dodged a bullet with that dude. And I've been able to see that I can do better. Much better. Please.

We're almost to my birthday month. I'm excited but I don't really want to be older. I liked being young and in my twenties. And, the older I get, the more I want to have a stable job with a real paycheck. I don't want to live like a student anymore. I don't want to be poor anymore. I want to live in a place with a living room and a couch. I want to be able to take paid vacations. Believe me, I'm working on it.

So Ginger came back from Vegas and called me yesterday. Her message said something to the effect of "just calling to see how you are and how your class went on Monday". I was impressed by her ability to actually ask me how things were going for me for a change, so I decided to let it go. Maybe she realized she had been pretty selfish lately. When I called her back, she promptly started panicking about her class and said she desperately needed my help. Oh well. Par for the course, I suppose.

I'm not sure I have anything else to say at the moment. Talk to you later.

Portrait

I worked on my portrait tonight. I posted a picture of it on the end credits blog. I'm having trouble.

Anyway, I ended up staying in all day today. I might go shopping tomorrow, and maybe see a movie. My friend Mia (the one I made out with, you remember) called me tonight. I was washing the dishes at the time, but her message had a whole bunch of yelling in it that I couldn't understand, but I did catch "downtown tonight to a gay club". I'm down for going sometimes, but she's taking it to a whole new level. And I'm sure she was going with the crazy lesbian that used to be our neighbor. I can't stand her (the lesbian) because she has no respect for personal space and always hugs me like she thought I was dead and just found out I'm alive. It is physically painful to be hugged by this woman. And she asks me personal questions and tries get me to tell her things about myself and she generally makes me very uncomfortable. And Mia can't figure out why I don't want to come with them. I already turned down the trip to Mexico. Duh.

Monday is the first day of my class. I'm getting a little nervous. I'm going to review my syllabus tomorrow to make sure I know what I'm going to be talking about. I also need to find a film to show, which I haven't done yet. I keep trying to tell myself that I graduated because I rock and they aren't going to doubt me as long as I don't show fear. They can smell it.

Anyway, that's it.

WaaWaaWaa

So I'm sitting around doing nothing, and Ginger calls me up, whining about how she's all alone in Vegas because her cousin's flight got delayed and she doesn't want to take a taxi anywhere, and she already gambled away the money she had for gambling and it's so hot in Vegas and waa waa waa. And at some point I tell her that I'm upset that she didn't come to the thing last night and in fact, none of my friends came last night (except for J.) And she says oh my boyfriend had to check my car before I drove to Vegas (which I offered to do for her, but she wanted him to do it). I called her out and said it only takes a few minutes to do that and you don't like him anyway. She said she never intended on coming to the thing, and I said why didn't you tell me that? She said she was going to call me and let me know, and I even called her last night and asked her if she was coming and she never called me back. A simple phone call is all I was expecting. But then she turned it all back to be about her, and she said she and her boyfriend broke-up, which really means that she's not going to talk to him until Monday, at which point she'll start talking to him again so she can start bitching to me about how much she doesn't like him.

So anyway, she "couldn't" come to my event because her life is apparently so difficult she can't spare a few hours for me. I also brought up the fact that she invited me to Vegas and then disinvited me, which she passed off as my fault. Of course. I started to get really upset and said I should go before I started crying and she said "whatever, dude", and HUNG UP ON ME. There was no 'sorry I let you down last night', or 'sorry I was a bitch about Vegas', or 'sorry I called you for NO OTHER REASON than to make you feel sorry for me because I'm all alone when I could have invited you for real'. And I'm sure that she is talking to someone else this very minute and whining to them about how she's alone in Vegas, and now she has the extra fodder that she called me and I don't even feel sorry for her. How terrible her life must be.

I'm thinking that at some point she and I need to have it out for real or we need to stop being friends. I'm so tired of eating shit every time she decides I'm not important enough for her to pay attention to. And I'm tired of not saying anything because then I'll be the bad guy and she'll wonder why I'm being so mean to her and WaaWaaWaa.

Fundraiser

So last night was the fundraiser, and I looked hot. Duh. There were also a lot of people there. Of all the people I personally invited, J. is the only one who showed up. Not Ginger, because she was too busy ditching me for the dude she doesn't even like, not Eddie for whatever reason, and not Craig because we all know he's incredibly lazy. And Mia won't even pay attention to me long enough to figure out that I had a fundraiser. Plus she always tells me how much she hates my other friends and how I shouldn't even speak to them anymore, so I chose not to invite her because I didn't want to hear the bullshit. J. even managed to bring his brother and brother's wife. And they even gave money. I can't really complain about it. But the truth is that being around him is still difficult for me because I still have feelings for him and it sucks. Plus I don't think his sister-in-law likes me very much so I always feel a bit uncomfortable around her.

So now back to Ginger. Yesterday she says,"I wish you could come to Vegas with me this weekend. It's going to be super fun." And I say,"Actually, I CAN come to Vegas this weekend, because I don't have to work until Monday night." And then about twenty minutes later she says,"So I texted my cousin (who is meeting us in Vegas and is paying for the hotel), and she said there's no room for you and you can't come."

Gee, thanks. I absolutely love being invited to stuff and then being disinvited. I could be overreacting, but I think it was incredibly rude and mean. She actually mentioned the trip a month ago and I never said no. In fact I hounded her for a while for details, and all she would give me were the dates. I gave up because she wouldn't give me details. And I was actually looking forward to going when she mentioned it again (I've never been out there), and then it was,"Oh, too bad. You're not cool enough to be on any of the reservations with us, or to go to a Cirque show with us, or to get on any of the guest lists with us. You would just have to sit in a hotel room by yourself because there's no room for you in our room, and probably not even in our hotel. Actually, Lisa, you should just plan a trip to some sad city by yourself because that's what it would be like if you came to Vegas with us. P.S. You're a loser anyway and I wouldn't be caught dead trying to get into a club with you standing next to me. You lower my cool points by at least 20 points normally, but in Vegas that gets magnified to about 50 since you wear glasses and are completely flat chested and don't dress in designer dresses. So stay home, you ugly slob.

No, she didn't say that, but she might has well have. I'm incredibly irked with her right now.

Actually, I'm irked with just about everyone right now, and I'm depressed that the "friend" that comes through most often is the guy that finds annoying girlfriends instead of just going out with me, which is what he should really be doing. As a side note, I will add that when we go out, everyone assumes we are a couple even though we don't touch or kiss or anything. Last night the girl we talked to for a long time did. Sometimes people even assume we're married. And then they tell us how cute we are together. And then I want to puke because he has some yucky girlfriend in some other town for some stupid reason (I know it's not because he's in love, because when you ask him if he misses her, he shrugs and says, "eh"--whatever that means).

I know I should get out and do something, but frankly I don't want to see another person today. And I'm still frustrated about not being laid in a long time. Maybe that's what I should pray for for my birthday. Ew, 32.

Movie

P.S. Did you ever get to see my movie? I thought I sent you a copy, but now I can't remember. I'm also wondering if I should finish writing about the saga of "the making of" on the other blog, or if I should just leave it alone since it's all over now. And since I can't get anyone to show it.

I Hate My Job as Much as I Did Yesterday

I'm not feeling much better about things today than I was yesterday. Still no job offer from the museum. I've all but given up. The other job rejected me, and today I saw they just posted an ad on craigslist for my position, which kind of pisses me off. I'm more than qualified for their stupid job. Idiots. No wonder no one has ever heard of them. It's because they suck.

I also got my second rejection for my film from festivals. And the really crappy part is that both festivals are piddly little festivals that I was fairly certain I could get into. One of them was a local women's film festival, and seeing as how my film is by and about a woman, (not to mention it's fucking beautiful) and I know the director of the organization, I was sure it would get in. And I've seen the caliber of films they have chosen in the past and let me tell you, they were not that great. Actually many of them were downright awful. I'll get an answer from Asheville in about a month. My guess is that they will also reject it. Especially since Harry Anderson (aka Judge Harold T. Stone from "Night Court") is one of the judges. In fact, he's the only judge I've actually heard of. Besides that, I have 3 other festivals pending, but 2 decide in October and the other decides in February. I'd like to send my film to more of them, but at the moment I don't have the funds to do so. Which brings me back to being depressed about not having a regular income. Instead, I get to lovingly set up pastries and coffee for fat businessmen to destroy as they talk (with their mouths full) about golf, p&l's, and order me around like some sort of indentured servant. Today I caught my hand between a door and a rolling cart and ripped several layers of skin off one of my fingers. Yes, my job is wonderful.

Right now I am very sleepy and desparately trying to not take a nap because I have to get up again tomorrow to do it all again. Whoopee. Class starts one week from today and I STILL don't have my contract. Or keys to my office. Supposedly, the contract is in the mail, but the annoying thing about it is that no one has been able to tell me how much they are going to pay me, and by the time I get the contract, it will be too late (in fact, it's already too late) to turn them down if they aren't paying enough. Right now I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping it will be what I think it will be. I'm also hoping that since the job thing is looking so dark, they'll miraculously create a couple more classes for me to teach. I'm not betting on it, but I know some classes are already full, and I've seen them add classes at the last minute before. I can only hope that I'm going to get one if they do. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

You never told me what you think of the painting so far?

Work in Progress

I'm trying to keep myself occupied so I don't take a nap. I have to work at 6 tomorrow, and I don't remember the last time I worked in the morning. It's going to be difficult to get up, so I want to make sure I'm sleepy before 2 am. I got up and went to see the Harry Potter movie this morning. It's pretty good. I have to say, Rowling is brilliant. Her themes are universal and timeless, and this one kept me thinking about the current administration and censorship and so forth. I'm not going to go out and buy the final two books or anything, but I have to give the woman props. I'll wait till the final two come out in theaters.

I painted today. Worked on my self portrait. Here it is so far.


The travelling job e-mailed me today telling me that I suck and they broke up with me. So there will be no travelling job for me. I have a feeling the museum is going to pass also, since they haven't called and school starts in two weeks. I'm fairly depressed about the whole thing, because I had hoped that my search was coming to an end and it was finally going to be time to start my life. So I'm stuck in limbo teaching one measly class at State and working my dead-end hotel job indefinitely. I kind of feel like the wind has gone out of my sails, even though there wasn't much to begin with. I've applied for so many jobs and have gotten nothing. I have a folder in my e-mail account full of jobs I've applied for in various parts of the country and here, and nobody is calling me. It's kind of a blow to any self-confidence I might have had left.

Still can't get rid of the belly. I'm wondering if I should just give it up and come to terms with not looking how I want to look. I haven't done any sit-ups lately, but I'm still trying to eat healthy. My birthday's coming up soon too, and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do. I was kind of thinking of doing something really cool, but that was with the assumption that I would have a regular income. So far it looks like my birthday might be Bud Light and crackers at home, which is more depressing than I can possibly articulate.

My horoscope said today was going to be a great day, but so far, it has fallen quite short of that.

Billy

So Billy might be about to kick the bucket. What will happen to the Cove?

I wish I had this interesting life where I could have something cool to talk about every day, but alas, I'm just a regular person. I'm still working on the diet and belly thing. I really need to work out or walk or something, but I don't feel like it. I got a thing in the mail today offering to plan my ski vacation for me--again. Some woman thinks she booked a ski break for me last year. Hmm. I wish.

I'm thinking I might go to a polo match tomorrow, but I really don't want to go by myself. It's more expensive that way. I went to a few last year and I liked it. Especially the free champagne in between chukkers. And yes, the divet stomping thing is very "Pretty Woman", but you look like a fool if you don't do it.

So, I'm not really despressed, but I'm a bit irritated/upset/restless about not getting laid. Since January. Even married people get more than I do, right?

Vick

I just have to say that I hope Vick goes down in flames. What he has (allegedly) done is one of the most dispicable things a person could do. It's especially bad since he's had all the opportunity in the world to make a good life for himself and he has chosen to be a cruel thug. Killing dogs is disgusting, and I hope they throw him in prison for a very long time. Maybe his younger brother will take note and remember that being famous and rich doesn't mean you can be an asshole. Conceited bastard. Vick makes my skin crawl. I hate seeing his face. Maybe his punishment could be that they put him in a cage with one of his dogs and let the dog do what it wants.

This Morning

So I got woken up this morning by a jack hammer outside my apartment. It's still going. It's been over an hour. I'm irritated. I'm trying to catch up on my tv watching, and the noise is making it somewhat difficult. I'm about three weeks behind On The Lot. This show is not very good, mostly because Carrie Fisher is unbelievably annoying, and the host girl is practically retarted. Plus, I got really irritated that there were only a few women on the show, and they were promptly voted off. It seems like most of these guys are decent filmmakers, but their films all look the same. They all look like they're made by mid twenties dudes who probably cry in the shower when they get sad. This show needs to be seriously revamped. I'm getting seriously tired of the elimination process. There's this quick interview with the loser and one of the winners, then a montage of the loser on a couple of his sets. Good Lord, he's eliminated from competition; he's not dead! Ugh, I hate overly sentimental BS.

I have been watching a show called Damages, though, which is pretty good so far. It has Glenn Close in it, and she is scary as usual. I'm still not sure what I think of the show overall, but at least it's watchable. You probably haven't seen it since it comes on late at night. I've heard some stuff about this show Carpool. We'll see what develops.

Did you know that I'm almost 32?

Crazy.

Art Show

Tonight I went to an art show here in LJ. The same one I was in last year except I'm not in it this year. Free drinks. I decided to walk there, which was a bit of a gamble seeing as how I was wearing heels and it's about 10 blocks away. But parking really sucks and I didn't want to drink and drive, even though I didn't plan on getting loopy. I was about 3 blocks from my house and ther was a vagrant dude standing in front of the wedding dress store with his rolling suitcase (yes, rolling suitcase) and his three teeth. He looked at me as I walked by and said, "Nice tits!" I kept walking as I flipped him off, and he finished off with "thanks for not wearing a bra!" Jerk. I thought I'd been walking too fast for him to get that good of a look, and I didn't know it was that obvious. For the record, I had every intention of weary a bra, but the one I was going to wear was visible because the shirt was more low cut than I thought and I didn't have anything else that would work.

The show itself was ok. There were a few pieces I really liked. There seemed to be an emphasis on kitsch, which is annoying. There were four little paintings of dogs that were stupid. Stupid because the same artist had four paintings of dogs in last year's show, which were ridiculously out of place when compared with the other work. Seriously, who paints dogs? I don't even think the paintings are that good. The dogs better not be in the show next year. I'm over the little old man and his one hour dog paintings.

I had a conversation with some guy named Ted who was decent looking and not creepy. There were no digits or future meetings discussed, which is fine with me, but the moral is that I'm trying to branch out and work on how charming I am. They're having a party (the art show people, that is) for fundraising and such in a few weeks, and I'm hoping I'll be able to go. It's a Bollywood theme and the dress code is "in costume" or "formal". I'll have to figure out what that means, but I think I can swing it either way. I think my choices are either "the green dress" (but not a real green dress cuz it's cruel) or a beaded skirt (similar to the one I wore to the art show last year--check the other blog if you need to refresh your memory) and a midriff-bearing top of some sort and lots of jewelry. Either way, I think I need to make sure the sit-ups keep coming so I don't look silly. Or so that I look hot. There will be lots of people with money there; maybe at least a couple of them will be cute single men. I'll have to do some research on Bollywood so I'll know what to wear.

Anyway, I guess the lesson here is that art can be complicated. So is finding cute men to talk to at art shows. Plus, I really need to get crackin on my serious art. I'm thinking about a series of self-portraits Warhol style.

Any thoughts?

Tally

I got to thinking about the other women I know and where they are in their lives.

Sarah: 31, just got engaged.
Louisa: 32, about to have her first kid
My sister: 38, about to have her third kid
Donna: 38, just got married, pregnant with her first kid
Mia: about to have her first kid
Milly: about to have her second kid
Francesca: 31, engaged, pregnant with her first kid

Their professions: Financial Adviser, Professor, Pharmacist, Teacher, Professor, Banquet Server, Doctor.

In other words, they more or less have their shit together and are roughly the same age as me. I'm single, childless, and unemployed.

That's all. Just food for thought.

Music and Tori

So I really just did chores today but I think I'm going out tonight. I'm almost finished with my syllabus for class. I just realized Tori put out an album a few months ago. She's going to be here in December. Have you listened to the new album? Is it good? I feel like being in grad school has left me really out of touch. Course, there's no one here that's really into music like I am, so there's no one to keep me in the loop. Plus I'm too broke to go to concerts, so that's kind of a bummer. Some really good bands come through here.

Review

So yes, I'm not doing anything Thursday. I have to work Friday night, and most likely Saturday night as well. I usually have Sundays off, but I don't have my work schedule past Friday, so who knows. Ok, side note-- I just saw a commercial telling boaters in San Diego to not dump raw sewage overboard and use pump stations instead. So who are the assholes who think it's cool to dump that stuff in the water? Do they then ride on their jetskis? I can't think of anything more idiotic. Dealing with seal poop is bad enough, but EW! I can only imagine if RV owners did the same thing. Gross.

Anyway. It has been very hot here. It got up to 100 in East San Diego today. Every morning I wake up sweaty. Ew.

I got my yearly review from work today. What a joke. First, the person who did it is someone that I haven't worked with in I don't know how long, and she's the most surly and unfriendly and irresponsible manager I've ever had. Not to mention that her command of the English language is questionable. (i.e. instead of typing "above and beyond", she typed "above and band". not even close) She rated me as merely "competent" in just about every category. Pretty much all of the comments she wrote say that I should work faster so I can do more work. Since I get paid the same no matter what, then what would be my motivation for doing so? We all kind of laugh at these reviews, mostly because there are no raises involved in the result. They really only need to let me know when they're going to fire me. It's still interesting to see what a supervisor says about me. Especially in this case. There was also a point where she wrote that I should be more outspoken and voice my opinion more at work, but my mom always said,"If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." That was pretty much my MO all along at work. I shudder to imagine what would happen if I were to be more outspoken. I doubt she would appreciate it. I think you'll agree that it's also hard to imagine anyone thinking I don't voice my opinion enough. Oh well.

I had a nightmare last night involving zombies. It's the second time it's happened, and I hate it, because then I don't want to go back to sleep. It's like being 7 again and being scared to even hang my leg off the bed because something might get it. Nightmares suck.

I guess that's about it. Call me when you get a chance.

NFL

I don't know how the interview went. But it doesn't really matter because they said I would have to have at least one more interview before they would hire anyone. I'm still not sure about the company, for reasons that are too hard to explain here, but let's just say my paycheck would come from people who take money from people they probably shouldn't. Still no word from the museum. However, the JC I taught at earlier this summer called today wanting to know if I want to teach there again, but I don't want to say yes in case someone offers me a job. But it's good money so I would hate to miss out on the opportunity if no one offers me a job.

You might be interested in knowing that I applied for a couple of jobs with the NFL today. One was producing some show in LA, but the other had to do with credentialing everyone for big games like the Superbowl and the Pro Bowl. Something tells me that all the guys who wrote me off would suddenly become my new best friends. I bet you would be one of them.... :)

Cupcakes?

Is Beth the one that made the cupcakes? What is she coming out for? Did I ever meet her?

I suppose the hair color is like my own icing. I've gone dark brown. It sounds a little weird, but I actually like it.

I'd give Beth a painting, but I can only imagine what kind of hell would ensue on the plane. Even though they're small, I wouldn't recommend putting it in a suitcase. Oils take forever to dry, and even when you can pick it up without paint getting everywhere, it seems like I always end up with some on me anyway. She would have to carry it, which would most likely suck for security, storage, and all the stupid questions people would end up asking. If she wants to try, be my guest.

Last night I had a dream I went to New York for the new job before I actually got hired, and then didn't know what to do when I got there. I went shopping. I was also going to tell you the dream I had about Jen the other day on the phone. She and I got an apartment together and Sherman Hemsley was the landlord. I thought you'd appreciate that.

I'm trying to drink lots of water. It's not that hard since it's been so hot lately. I also read that sodium helps make you fat, so I got low sodium mayo and peanuts, and ketchup that is salt free. I don't know how it will taste. I also read that popcorn that isn't microwave is really good for a snack. I want to have a flat stomach again. It's not that I'm fat, but there's that little pooch that doesn't seem to want to go away. I started doing ab work, but I figured changing my diet would probably help as much or more. Maybe I should stay away from the cookies at work too. So, that being said, I think I'm going to have cereal and a piece of cake for breakfast. Not ideal, but somebody has to eat the cake!

Cake

Tonight I baked a cake. I have to get rid of all the cake mix I have in the cupboard. I need to make some cupcakes and muffins too. I'm trying to eat healthier, too. So at the grocery store, I'm that chick that's checking the labels on the back. However, for some reason, Monday night at the grocery store is when all the hot guys are there. I saw at least four or five. And considering the small number of people in the store, that's a lot.

I'm planning on coloring my hair tonight. And icing the cake.

Paintings

By the way, I'm glad Jen like the paintings. I'm a lot better (I think) than I was when I lived there. Plus I switched to oils, which requires a lot more patience and planning and so forth. It's a lot harder to just sit down and crank something out. Plus, that stuff isn't cheap, so I don't want to waste any of it. As I do more, I'll post the pictures. I started on a self portrait last week. I probably won't have anything done for a while. Mostly because I'm lazy and my painting bug comes in phases.

Interview

Tomorrow is my interview. I'm still on the fence about how excited I should be about possibly getting this job. The interview will determine a lot of it, I think. Still no word from the museum. I applied to several jobs today. A couple were with New Line Cinema, but the rest were all (ironically enough) in North Carolina. A couple in Greensboro, one in Fayetteville (ew!) and a couple in Raleigh. I doubt anything will come from them, but who knows. Maybe North Carolina needs me back.

School starts in two weeks. Did I tell you I'm taking two online classes at the Community College? That should be interesting.

Nothing else new to report.

Shower Thingy

I'm stalling getting ready for this baby shower thingy I need to go to. It's kind of a last minute thing so I need to grab a gift on my way there. I finished watching 300, but I wasn't impressed. Maybe 300 is the title because that's how many reasons there are not to waste your time watching it.

I should finish watching the movie about Nagasaki, but I think I'll do that tomorrow.

I have to work tonight. The word on the street is that John Lynch might be part of the group, which makes me excited. It would be cool to meet him, and possibly witness him getting schnockered. Anyway, still no word on any jobs. Yesterday a friend of mine said I should go to this temp agency and blah blah blah and I just didn't have the heart to tell her I'm not interested. And I'm not interested because she works for said agency and I don't want her involved in my job search. I know that sounds mean, but I really just want to do this on my own. And I seriously doubt there's anything she can do for me.

I don't know what to wear to the shower. Do I go with demure black or something funky? I'm not sure I want to wear heels, only because I have to work tonight and I don't want my feet to be sore. I kind of want to, though. I look so much better in heels. People seem to take me more seriously then. Will I look like a ho if I show up to the shower wearing an orange dress with gold heels? I'm guessing I will. Maybe I should go with the black.

300

So I'm thirty minutes into this movie "300", and I have yet to see a scene that couldn't have been cut. This is why there are too many penises in Hollywood. I'm sure every dude in Sparta had a six pack and wasn't afraid of anything, but I love that when the oracle tells the king the opposite of what he wants to hear, his wife says "do what a free man would do" and so he fucks her. And it is a scene that should have been cut because it didn't mean anything. It was just an excuse to show her tits and show him fucking her like she was some sort of hooker instead of his wife and it didn't mean anything.

I'm already sick of the rock n roll soundtrack and the scenes being just music videos strung together. So Frank Marshall took an important story and turned it into something I am not interested in and ends up being nothing more than some dude's masturbatory emissions, which really only consist of the homoeroticism of scantily clad muscular men grappling with each other and then going home to women they fuck like dogs.

The scenes are overwrought with yelling and spitting and threats. Overacting too.

One thing though, it looks like a comic book. I guess that's about the only nice thing I can say about it.

I doubt I'll feel any different after the next hour and a half. I'll let you know. Course, you said you would call today and you didn't. Not very nice.

I hate California

I wish I could magically produce some friends. Or at least someone to call me on a Friday night. I asked two people if they wanted to hang out tonight. One of them said no and the other ignored me completely. So it's 8:30 at night and I'm stuck at home wondering where my friends are. It looks like my big night will be a hot bath and not much else. I wonder if I never knew I had no life and no friends because I had school to keep me blinded. Now that I don't have that or a job, I realize I don't have friends either. Stupid California. I hate it here. Everyone is so self-absorbed and two faced and doesn't ever say what they mean. They just say enough to make you shut up and then go hang out with someone cooler than you. And my cool points are severely depleted. I'm too old and not pretty enough or rich enough to fit in and have people want to be around me.

Lisa "Simpson"

Grr

Unfortunately, I have to work on Friday morning at 10. I'm guessing I'll be out around 2 or 3. It seems like my work shifts always happen to be on days that I want to do other things.

I figured my answers to the quiz would be fairly predictable for you. As for the lack of clothes, I don't leave the house a whole lot, so what's the point? Plus, this is La Jolla, so even if I went outside in a bra and underwear, everyone would probably assume it was a bikini and not think about it (although for the record, I only go all bikini at the beach.)

I'm glad you like the paintings. Some of them were huge amounts of work. Others not so much. If you lived closer, I would give you the blue one so it could be properly hung (huh, huh, I said hung...).

I showed Ginger her portrait today and she had a weird reaction to it. She liked it, but said it didn't look like her (the picture she gave me had a sassy expression that I couldn't capture). She also wondered where the mouth was. It's there, I promise. She did say it looked like something that would be hanging in a museum. I guess that's good. I'd like to do a whole series of portraits if I ever get the time. The only thing is that they're really difficult for me. I have trouble with faces. I have two paintings that only need faces to be finished, and I just get stuck every time I even think about it.

So here's my latest "circus-ish" consideration. I realized the other day that I'm pretty funny and I have a talent for entertaining groups of strangers, so I'm thinking about checking out some sort of amateur stand-up comedy. It's one of those things that soungs both fun and freaking scary. I could possibly end up scarred for life. Or famous. Like Kathy Griffin.

Anyway, no news on the job front. Still sending out my resume, still waiting on the museum, still have a pending interview scheduled for next week. I'm getting a little anxious about making money. And by the way, what people pay in California is downright disgraceful. My mom works for the cops in Colorado, and she probably makes more money than I will be making with my stupid Master's Degree. Yes, I know I'm an artist, but who can make a living in this town on less than 30K? A freaking house-no condo- costs a minimum of $200K. And that's a crappy one. A condo down the street from where I live now would cost a minimum of half a mil. Probably more. Which means that I might be able to afford a starter condo after about twenty years of saving up for a down payment. Grr.

Traveling

So I have an interview on the 14th with the weird company that called me for an interview on Friday afternoon. Who calls on Friday afternoon? I continued working on my syllabus for my class. I have a lot of stuff to work out. Home girl is still acting weird to me and chooses not to respond to my questions about the Vegas weekend she invited me to. I think I've been disinvited, which is kind of messed up since I didn't do anything. But I still want to hear her say it so she can know what a jerk she's being.

I started a new painting today. It's going to be a self-portrait. I've never done a portrait of myself before, so this should be interesting. Actually, I've done a lot of painting lately. I'll post pictures of them on the endcredits blog if you want to see them. Actually, I did my version of the Rothko you hung upside down.

Oh, back to the weird company. If I took that job, there would be a lot of traveling involved. I'm not sure where, but it would be to different places in the US. Maybe even to your neck of the woods! It's kind of weird to think about having a job that isn't just something for money between classes. It's also weird that I might end up not thinking about my life in terms of semesters anymore. And medical insurance....what a strange concept!

I got an e-mail for UNCA's alumni association, and John Waters is going to speak there on September 19th. In case the name doesn't ring a bell, he's the one that directed the original Hairspray and he's a total nut, which is cool. If I still lived there, I would totally go. In fact I was wondering today if I might be able to fanagle going out there for it. But then I remembered that I'm still broke and can do lots of other things with that money. Like pay the rent.

Anyway, I guess that's about it.

Weird

I had an interview this morning. I guess it went ok. It's a little weird to interview with people that are ultimately going to be co-workers and not your boss. The boss is on maternity leave. And I actually think that if I got hired, I would be more of the boss type person than the people who interviewed me. Weird. The upside is that I would have a job. The downside is that it's a non-profit organization, so I would be making very little money. I could probably make more as a secretary. But it would be a me kind of job, I guess. Another company called me on Friday all frantic to interview me. I called back to talk to them and no one answered, and as of this minute, no one has called me back. Weird. They must not be that desperate. Anyway, two very different jobs with two very different entities. I don't know if the money is any different. For now I'm still unemployed.

And then there's this "friend" I have that is ticked off at me. Why, you ask? Well, good question. It could be about any number of things, since everything I do seems to piss her off. But I guess that the main thing is that I stopped bending over backwards to make her happy. I got tired of listening to her bitch about her boyfriend (never mind that I haven't gotten laid in a REALLY long time). He apparently does the same things all the time and she proceeds to complain about to me instead of to him and I finally told her I didn't want to hear it anymore. Either break up or suck it up. Perhaps a little blunt, but I like to call it tough love. And at some point, I do get tired of talking only about her. I don't remember the last time she ever did anything for me or even asked me how I was doing. It could very well be the end of yet another friendship, but I guess that's the breaks. At this point, I'm really losing a therapy patient more than I'm losing a friend.