Down or out
I hate it when I get depressed for no reason. Or for stupid reasons. But you know how things add up. So I'm older, and that kind of sucks. Today I tried on two pairs of slacks (the only two I have), and they are both too small. I bought one pair six months ago and the other three years ago. I feel like a fat ass. One pais I couldn't even get buttoned. I've started breaking out; I don't know if it's from wearing makeup more often or from the stress of my job. And by the way, I still hate my job. And dread going to it every day.
It sucks that I spent so much time and energy getting an education and I can't seem to get out of the service industry. I'm tired of looking. And being poor.
And of course I'm still not happy about being 32 and not having a dude around to worship me. Or even just pay attention to me on a regular basis. And I don't know where to meet anyone new that might actually be interesting and attractive.
I've been trying really hard to stay positive about everything, but sometimes it's really hard when there's very little that seems to be going well for me right now. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll feel better about everything, but at the moment, it seems like everything sucks. I especially feel bad about feeling fat. Before, I could at least take comfort in knowing that I wasn't gaining weight. It's like my ass and my waist are just getting bigger and there's nothing I can do about it. It feels like there's nothing I can do about any of the things that aren't going right. Or that I've been doing everything I can do to make things better.
I suppose it's not that big a deal if I get depressed about things every now and then. I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better. I hate being depressed. It makes me not want to talk to my friends or do stuff that's fun. I really wish I had single friends, because I get so tired of being ditched for boys and no one wants to hang out with me on a Saturday night.
Sometimes I think Craig might be trying to date me, but he can be so flaky sometimes, and he isn't terribly romantic if that's what he's going for. He's very non-committal about calling or hanging out. He's nice to me, but just not that romantic. He's more of a sex friend, except that we don't hang out that often, so I'm still not getting a whole lot of action.
Anyway, I guess that's it for now. I should feel better tomorrow.
It sucks that I spent so much time and energy getting an education and I can't seem to get out of the service industry. I'm tired of looking. And being poor.
And of course I'm still not happy about being 32 and not having a dude around to worship me. Or even just pay attention to me on a regular basis. And I don't know where to meet anyone new that might actually be interesting and attractive.
I've been trying really hard to stay positive about everything, but sometimes it's really hard when there's very little that seems to be going well for me right now. I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll feel better about everything, but at the moment, it seems like everything sucks. I especially feel bad about feeling fat. Before, I could at least take comfort in knowing that I wasn't gaining weight. It's like my ass and my waist are just getting bigger and there's nothing I can do about it. It feels like there's nothing I can do about any of the things that aren't going right. Or that I've been doing everything I can do to make things better.
I suppose it's not that big a deal if I get depressed about things every now and then. I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel better. I hate being depressed. It makes me not want to talk to my friends or do stuff that's fun. I really wish I had single friends, because I get so tired of being ditched for boys and no one wants to hang out with me on a Saturday night.
Sometimes I think Craig might be trying to date me, but he can be so flaky sometimes, and he isn't terribly romantic if that's what he's going for. He's very non-committal about calling or hanging out. He's nice to me, but just not that romantic. He's more of a sex friend, except that we don't hang out that often, so I'm still not getting a whole lot of action.
Anyway, I guess that's it for now. I should feel better tomorrow.
posted by Ocean | 10:55 PM
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