Laying in bed

So tonight I was watching Sex and the City, the episode where Carrie moves to Paris and meets Alexsandr's daughter and the daughter is a real bitch to her for no reason. And it made me think of Monsieur Retardo and his oh so rude and unfashionable Frenchie, and now the oh so unnatractive and completely uninteresting Frenchie II (I mean really, how does a guy find TWO chicks that look exactly alike and are not even pretty???).

And then I think about how hard it has been for me to find even one person who is willing to put up with me for more than a day. Coffee guy stopped calling about two weeks ago. Marriott guy hardly even talks to me anymore. It really isn't supposed to be this hard to find someone that is worth putting up with.

And then after that I think about Professor Douchebag, who ruined multiple lives with his lying and cheating and general assholeishness, and right now he is happy and sleeping next to someone that believe he loves her, even though he is most likely cheating on her, and even though she deserves it because she is a lying cheating whore and is just as bad as he is.

So I'm thinking that karma doesn't exist and there's no point to believing in anything because it will only be disappointing in the end. And the more I try to hold out hope, the more hurt I get for no reason because I haven't done anything to deserve feeling like this for so much of my life.

It makes everything else that much harder to get through, whether it's school or work or just driving around or going to the beach. Most days I just want to lay in bed and watch tv. And some days I do. Some days I try to do something about it. And then I get hurt by something, so I lay in bed some more.