Musings of a Modern Nun

What's up? I'm avoiding my work. As usual. But mostly I need to get some. Seriously. I see women with funk in their toes and hair growing out of moles on their necks getting laid, and I'm at home alone. What's up with that? I do realize that there is a pickiness factor at work here; I'm not inviting the people who go through the garbage for recyclables up for a night cap, and that's not going to start. But seriously, what happened to all the decent guys? Did they all join a monastery? I know that some of them get caught and tagged by cougars. (the kind that are twice-divorced, have three kids, fake tits and seem to 'know' everyone at the local bar) But what about the normal guys? The ones with jobs and hobbies and friends and families and so on? And I know that they aren't ALL gay. If I were a gay man, I would get sex all the time due to my utter fabulousness and my fluency in gay. Gay guys love me. Seriously. They pick me up in bars. They just don't want to take me home. They want to take me outside and listen to me talk about the importance of shoes matching belts. They want to learn about new cocktails that involve champagne or pear vodka. They want to exchange OMG comments that end in "I know, right?" And they want to trade stage names. Mine is Bootsy. Don't ask. It just is. But in the pool of men who do take girls home, I think I come off as too much of something they don't know how to handle. Too independent. Too smart. Too loud. Too spirited. Too serious. Too analytical. Too unstable. Too rigid. Too methodical. Too laid back. Too opinionated. Too something. There's no winning anymore. I try not to think about it, but sometimes it just rears up and whacks you in the face. Either that or some fat guy tries to feel you up and your realize that the hottest guy in the room is off getting god knows what from said cougar. Why? Because it's free and she's a sure thing. Modern prostitution. She gets a guy who can get it up and he gets a woman who'll do anything because she's too old to set limits. Ew. I don't even like thinking about it. Gross.

On another, related note, I have noticed a recent trend in guys taking pictures of their wang and sending it to women (usually just one, but you know what I mean). Is this some sort of new courtship ritual, akin to a peacock spreading his feathers? Is that how you know he's really interested in you? Or is that just him having no shame, because there is the distinct possibility you will be showing it to all your girlfriends, (or in my case, gayfriends) and possibly disseminating in on the internet? Or are guys just really that proud of it? A few days a go, I told a woman I had never received a penis picture and she couldn't believe it. And she was in her fifties. Who, I ask you, is sending a wang to a grandmother? Anyway, perhaps it's just a Cali thing; you know no one out here has any shame. But I thought I would ask in case something similar happens in your neck of the woods. Perhaps you can organize a phone survey for me or something. I really want to know what is up (no pun intended) with this.

Carry on.

Choosing My Adventure

So I've made it through one more week and I'm not completely nuts yet. Only my normal state of half insanity. I've been telling myself all day that I'm almost halfway through the semester, and for some reason that gets me going. Although, anyone who has ever been to college knows that the worst is always in the second half of the semester. I wrote 8 pages of my screenplay today, which sounds like small potatoes, but a blank page can be quite a worthy adversary. I have to have about thirty pages by October 28. I think I can do it. I'd like to get it done sooner rather than later, but who knows if I'll be able to.

I got my grant application all finished and turned in, so we'll see come January if I make it past the first round of evaluation. I can't wait to go and do something awesome like this. You'll come visit, right? Oh wait, you never come visit as it is.....

So even though I'm busy, whenever I have downtime I get kind of lonely. Call me naive, but I thought when I moved in with a roommate that there would be times of hanging out and going out together and just generally doing stuff together. Not so. She seems to have no desire to hang out with me, in spite of my best efforts to include her when I do things and to show interest in things she does. I feel like I'm a nosy mom when I ask her how her day was. Jesus, she never even throws me a bone. Sometimes I think she's mad at me about something, but I can't for the life of me think what that might be. I've never done anything to her. I always wash my dishes. Ok, not always, but most of the time. And I've done hers before, so it evens out. I was a little bummed that she didn't bake me cookies on my birthday. I've watched her spend days baking cookies for everyone else--even people she works with that she doesn't know very well. For her sister's birthday, she baked her about four different kinds of cookies. It's kind of her thing. Since she didn't do it for me, it makes me think she doesn't like me. Sigh.

I've also been lamenting my serious lack of male company. I've made attempts at forging some sort of liaison with a few different guys, but let me tell you, these guys are fucking clueless. I think I would probably have to just plant one on them in order for them to get it. The laughing and flirting and come hither looks are just not doing it. When did dudes go retarded? At the wedding I went to a couple of weeks ago, I saw a guy that I've known for a few years (he's a childhood friend of the bride) but haven't seen in about 2 years. He was with a girl. Ew. Then he emailed me this week asking me about something we talked about at the wedding. I slyly asked him about the girl and the rest of his life, and he said they hadn't been seeing each other long, but he "found something out about her" so they couldn't see each other any more. Hmm. What could it be? She eats cardboard? Hates kittens? Doesn't recycle?

I've always thought he was super cute, and at times I've thought there were sparks between us even though nothing happened. Maybe he found out that she isn't me. (Ya think?) Or maybe she was insanely jealous of how awesome I am. I don't know. It doesn't really matter because the bottom line is that he's available now. I'll be seeing him in a few weeks, so we'll see if something materializes then. I would definitely be down for that.

My job may be in jeopardy. I'm sure you heard that CA needs a bailout as well, and yes, I work for the state. Rumor has it that the governator is going to try to do a mid year cutback thing, and guess who has zero seniority and a "subject to budget stipulations" clause in her contract? I'm hoping for the best, but bracing for the worst. Now I know what it feels like to have Katrina coming straight for your house. It sucks, my friend. Bad.

On another school note, I'm planning on making a freaking awesome interactive installation that would basically be a video version of Choose Your Own Adventure. I often worry that my imagination outstrips my technological capabilities, but we'll see. Sometimes I surprise myself with my makeshift ingenuity. If I succeed in getting it done, I think it will be cool. And then all the kiddies in the hood can come over and play on it. I'm also learning how to do animation and motion graphics. Maybe Dreamworks will give me a job when the state runs out of money. I bet they would pay well...

Anyway, I hope you are out banging your drum and getting all your homies to vote. I firmly believe that Sarah Palin is Milosovich in a clever disguise. I'm sure she's read every word of the Bible Cliff Notes. And she's probably see The Passion at least 10 times and shows the trailer before every speech she gives. Bitch. I got my mail in ballot yesterday. Call me paranoid, but I'm suddenly worried it will get lost in the mail. I don't know why. I am looking forward to the election. I'm tired of watching McCain wobble around the stage like an Oompa Loompa in a poorly fitted suit and raising his arms like he's some sort of robot and saying he's going to solve problems by "sitting down like the great Ronald Reagan did". What utter bullshit. It amazes me that people swallow that. If I asked you what you were going to do with your next paycheck and you answered that you would make sure that you serve the interests that the greatest number of interested parties show interest in so the terrorist can't terrorize your interests and thereby raise interest rates, I would fucking slap you. (I know he didn't say that, but it's pretty close to a lot of the non-talk I keep hearing)

Anyway, it's getting late. I have to get up and get a gift for a baby shower (another one!). People seriously need to stop having babies. I'm going broke buying them stuff. Shouldn't I get a gift for NOT having a bunch of little brats running around to spoil dinner? I hope you are well.