Secrets and Lies

Not everything in here is true, but it is based on real events.

Name:
Location: Southern California

Saturday, June 10, 2006

The Party

Last night I got dressed up to go to a lesbian birthday party with a girlfriend of mine. It was interesting. I wore my skating dress (its debut) and put my hair up cute and everything. Then she picked me up and we trekked downtown and miraculously found a parking space a block away, even with a Padre game going on. And we were early, so we sat in the bar and had a glass of wine and talked about her problems instead of mine for a change. We finally sat down when everyone got there; a gaggle of forty-ish lesbians with partners in tow. Pantsuits and spiked hair galore.

We started with big plates of sushi and edamame, then moved to BBQ pork ribs and lamb. Odd choices, I thought, but whatever. I even ate the lamb like a good girl. I must say it felt weird to be the only one ogling the bartender, who wasn't that cute, but was the only thing to ogle in the room. And I also think it was weird that they didn't serve any kind of dessert, but the champagne toast was a nice substitute.

I discovered that when I went to the restroom, the gaggle of lesbians started asking my friend if I was her girlfriend and giving her kudos on her exquisite taste in women (actually, I'm just imagining that part, but how could it not be true???) and she said no, I'm just a friend. She divulged this information to me, and I said, don't they know you don't dive? And there was a pause and she said, well, actually..... So I said, well you can tell them that I don't dive then. And I laughed. And she apologized to me because she was afraid I would be mad that her door swings both ways and she didn't tell me right away. And I said, you're not coming on to me are you? And she said no and I said, then why would I be mad? I don't care what you do or who you do it with. Apparently she was really worried about it, because she kept apologizing about it. I assured her I have been asked to pretend I was the girlfriend of an actual lesbian in the past, so this was nothing. Besides, I was having fun.

Yes, there was a moment last night when I looked around the room at all these strangers who were laughing and drinking and eating and realized I was too. I was happy and I was having a good time. And I was glad I got dressed up and came to this dinner. And the one guy in the room (gay, of course) was sitting next to me and I seem to have a knack for clicking with gay guys. And then about thirty minutes later, the feeling was gone. I was tired and bored and sad and all I wanted to do was go home, but I was still trying to hide it because my friend was having a good time talking to people. We went over to the dance club part of the restaurant, with its thumping music and beams of light in green and purple and blue. And there were two dancers (as in pros, not lesbians with no rhythm), which was something I haven't ever really seen before. They were dancers in the vein of strippers, but without the poles and with the clothes. Holy shit, I thought. They were wearing hardly anything and grinding against nothing and I had to admit I was impressed. I wondered how much they got paid and how you get a job like that. Do they get breaks? Tips? Phone numbers? And where did they get those outfits? I was meserized enough to stand there and be content, but when the amateurs started dancing, I was no longer interested, and wanted to go home again. And we came home.

I laid in bed for a few minutes, thinking about how sucky it is that I should be sad when I'm at something so happy and fun and that I wish I could just forget everything and enjoy myself for once. But I couldn't this time. I suppose all I can hope for is better luck next time.

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