Funk or Fabulous

This is the third time I've tried to write something. The program keeps shutting me down after about three sentences, and I'm starting to get angry in addition to my not-so-hot mood I've had since this afternoon. I've tried to improve my mood, but so far, nothing has worked. Watching Sex and the City, Family Guy, Ben & Jerry's, and a sunset have done nothing. Telling myself that this will go away and soon I will feel just fine and fabulous like I did yesterday has not helped either. It never ceases to amaze me how vulnerable I am to other people's moods, and how sensitive I can be to their carelessness. And it seems like they become careless at the very moment that I think they can't get any better than they already are. And so the image becomes shattered. And now I find myself halfway between anger and hurt, trying to tell myself so many things to make myself feel better that I can't even keep them all straight. So much for positive thinking.

Now I'm thinking about taking a hot bath, but I'm a bit skeptical that it will help anything. I think about reading, but when I'm distracted, I can't. I try thinking about my film, but I run out of things to think about, or I just get frustrated at the whole mess and forget about it. This is the annoying restlessness that lack of confidence brings about. I feel so completely unable to do anything about it, but I desperately want to find something to make me feel better. And tomorrow is my last free day before going back to work instead of going to a party that I haven't been able to decline yet. And for some reason, I feel like I'm the jerk. Oh well.

But now I'm stubborn and I don't want to do anything except sit here and be selfish and think about myself. Indulge myself. So help me think it all day long: I'm fabulous. I'm so fabulous I puke glitter.