Today

I'm awake, but I'm still tired. I think I'm going back to bed after I'm done with this. Last night I went to see a girlfriend and we talked until very late about my problems and I still feel like I'm not any wiser than I was before. Not because she didn't have helpful things to say, but because the whole situation has created conflicting feelings for me and I'm not sure which way I want to go from here.

She and I are going out tonight to some party where I will be her fake lesbian date. A room full of forty year old lesbians. It should be interesting, with wall to wall pant-suits. I for one, will be looking cute in the brown and gold dress I bought in January and haven't had occasion to wear yet. Or maybe the skating outfit, because I don't care if they think I'm peculiarly dressed. They're lesbians, so their fashion sense is a bit skewed anyway. And my friend will love whatever I wear, because this is the girl who wears furry boots to an art opening.

I also go to see the pro today, and hopefully she'll be able to fix my serve and my backhand. Especially the backhand, because lately it's gotten pretty weak and sloppy. It used to be so much better. What happened to me?

I'm also wondering what happened to you, since I've e-mailed you and called you and you haven't answered. Hello? You never call, you never write....And I can't remember when the wedding is. This weekend? Because I'm expecting a full report. And take your camera so I can see pictures! I want to see you know who and Mr. Perfect and hear the tales that accompany them.

Keep it real.