At My House

So home boy showed up at my house today to return a dish I had left at his house the other night. He showed up unanounced, merely calling me when he was standing outside my door, which took me a minute to figure out. He just said "I have your dish" and I had to figure it out from there. I paused for a long moment while I was trying to figure out why he was giving me information I already knew, and then he said "I'll just leave it outside" and it all became clear. No No No, I'll open the door. And he wasn't sure if he should come in because of everything and because I didn't say Please, come in, so he stood outside in the dark before he figured out that he could come in and I wouldn't be upset. So he came in, had a soda, and sat and we chatted for a while, and I kept wondering if there was something I wasn't getting. Something I should be saying or doing, because I felt incredibly awkward, and was still wondering why he didn't call before he came over. Was he afraid I would tell him to fuck off? (wouldn't I have done it already if I was going to?) It's not like him to just show up at my house. Usually I have to beg him to come over. Well, not beg exactly, but it's usually my idea.

So anyway, we chatted for about twenty or thirty minutes, and I wanted to ask him if he wanted to take a shower while he was here because he looked very tired still in his work clothes and because it's sort of a habit. But I resisted because I knew he would say no and I also knew there are implications associated with showering at my house. So I let him sit there in his sweaty clothes until we ran out of subjects to chat about and I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to say and he said no. And I was a bit disappointed because I have stuff to say but I don't want to be the one to start it and I'm not sure if I have my thoughts completely sorted out anyway. And I don't want to make things worse than they already are.

I didn't tell him that two of my closest friends chewed me out today for speaking to him yesterday, and that both of them have threatened to retaliate on my behalf by introducing their stilletos to the netherregions of his groin area. And I find myself stuck again between this person and my friends, because I know they mean well, but I also know I am unable to follow their advice, which means I have to either keep the truth from them or be continually berated for making bad choices, with our conversations ending with "I told you so" more often than I would like.

So as it stands, I am no less confused than I was yesterday or Sunday or Saturday or last week or last month, but now I have new drama to talk about.