Talk

Sometimes I say the darndest things. You know that scene in Liar Liar where Jim Carrey says "I've had better" and then keeps repeating it to himself later because he can't believe he said it out loud? Well, that's what I do sometimes. And today, it was "You could stay here, if you weren't such a tool." I don't know where it came from or why I said it, because I didn't even think about it. It just came out. And there was nothing malicious about it, but it still came out. And I doubt I hurt his feelings or made him mad or anything, but I was surprised at myself for saying something so, well, snotty. Usually I plan those things out, and I don't normally say them so soon after the shit hits the fan. But I say oh well. He kind of deserves it.

So next subject. Yesterday I called a friend of mine because I was upset and crying and then I said something she didn't like (something that doesn't have anything to do with her, by the way) and she proceeded to spend the next thirty minutes chewing my ass up one side and down the other. And I was still crying and didn't say anything because if I tried to stick up for myself she would just keep going and never stop and I didn't feel like dealing with it. So why is it that your friends feel they should judge you when you don't do what they want you to do? Yes, their advice is well meaning and probably the best thing for you, but in the end, you do what you think is best and just roll with it. Because that's all you really can do. And then it all compounds into a vicious cycle where you don't want to talk to your friends because they yell at you and they yell at you because you don't tell them things and before you know it you don't have any friends at all. And how do you tell a friend to shut the fuck up? That being chewed out does even less for your self-esteem than whatever jerk dude what messing up your self-esteem in the first place?

Just the thoughts of the day.

P.S. Where are you???