Books and Flowers
So I actually did some work on my thesis proposal, but not really enough to give myself a pat on the back for. Just enough to not feel so guilty. I ended up buying a book that is checked out at the library. I felt a twinge of indignation and desperation that the due date of said book is sometime next April. That's an awful long time to have one book. So I bought it from Amazon.
Speaking of buying things, I've been nicely frugal lately. I do deserve a pat on the back for that. I didn't buy anything extra at the art store (probably thanks to my not-so-friendly mood at the time), haven't bought food on campus for the past week, and I also passed up buying an African Violet at Home Depot the other day. Mostly because I knew my friends would laugh at me twice: once because I have no place to put it in my cluttered room, and twice because it will most likely die in record time. The thought that I could keep anything that actually needs attention alive for longer than a week is widely recognized as being ridiculous. Precisely why I stayed away from the orchids, dogs, and children.
Today I was struck by the unpleasant feeling that I hate my job and want out and there is no exit. I hate it when that happens. Because when I sit and try to weasel my way out of my own self-loathing by coming up with some sort of solution for the dead end I've painted myself into, I come up with nothing. Because deep down, I know that even after I graduate (if that ever happens) I'll still have no viable skills that any sort of employer that is worthwhile would look for. I may not know all the computer stuff, or be able to do a P&L report or have 5-10 years experience, but I sure can tell you the best concerts and movies to go see. I can also do absolutely nothing for long periods of time. And I can talk on the phone pretty good too. Oh, and I can spell. Are there any employers out there looking for an employee like me? Willing to let me set my own hours and give me all the benefits and a pretty decent salary too? Yeah, I didn't think so. Which is why I will be stuck in a job I hate until the day I die. Great.
But at least I'll be surrounded by weird books and dead flowers the whole time.
Speaking of buying things, I've been nicely frugal lately. I do deserve a pat on the back for that. I didn't buy anything extra at the art store (probably thanks to my not-so-friendly mood at the time), haven't bought food on campus for the past week, and I also passed up buying an African Violet at Home Depot the other day. Mostly because I knew my friends would laugh at me twice: once because I have no place to put it in my cluttered room, and twice because it will most likely die in record time. The thought that I could keep anything that actually needs attention alive for longer than a week is widely recognized as being ridiculous. Precisely why I stayed away from the orchids, dogs, and children.
Today I was struck by the unpleasant feeling that I hate my job and want out and there is no exit. I hate it when that happens. Because when I sit and try to weasel my way out of my own self-loathing by coming up with some sort of solution for the dead end I've painted myself into, I come up with nothing. Because deep down, I know that even after I graduate (if that ever happens) I'll still have no viable skills that any sort of employer that is worthwhile would look for. I may not know all the computer stuff, or be able to do a P&L report or have 5-10 years experience, but I sure can tell you the best concerts and movies to go see. I can also do absolutely nothing for long periods of time. And I can talk on the phone pretty good too. Oh, and I can spell. Are there any employers out there looking for an employee like me? Willing to let me set my own hours and give me all the benefits and a pretty decent salary too? Yeah, I didn't think so. Which is why I will be stuck in a job I hate until the day I die. Great.
But at least I'll be surrounded by weird books and dead flowers the whole time.
posted by Ocean | 11:00 PM
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