Resolute

My motivation for the day is running out. This will be short. I've found that the upside and downside to dieting are the same thing. It's the feeling of being hungry all the time. It's a good thing because if I'm hungry, I can't be overeating (I can sit and will myself to be thinner). It's a bad thing because I hate being hungry. I've never been comfortable with it. And I've always had the habit of stuffing my face till I'm full, and even then I usually add a little more for good measure.

Maybe it's just no use. Maybe I'm meant to be a shapeless blob that oozes from one place to another. Not fat enough to grow boobs, not thin enough to be svelte. Just kind of a clumsy collection of bulges that lives somewhere in between. It is very alarming to not have my pants fit. To have to unbutton them after a large meal because they are too uncomfortable otherwise. I miss their looseness. If nothing else did, that always made me feel good. That my clothes are not squeaking in agony and counting the seconds until the next seam splits in two. Argh. I hate feeling this gross. I also hate that I have no patience with this sort of thing. I want these pounds gone NOW. That is what makes me crazy.

I think I can lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks. I'm resolute. Maybe not smart, but resolute.