Mean and Creative

Today I tried to be creative. I suppose I was a little bit successful. But right now I am butted up against a feeling of complete stupidity because I have hit a spot that isn't very fruitful. I don't know why.

Today is my bro's birthday. I'm a jerk because I don't know off the top of my head how old he is. Thirty-four? But I do know what my exact age will be on Wednesday. Yes, I'm self-absorbed. Yes, I'm annoying too. And lately, I've been wrestling with the particularly troublesome idea that I'm not a nice person. That I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. I try not to be mean. I try to be nice to people. Most of the time.

I guess I'm not very successful. Again, my creative block is wreaking havoc, and I don't know how to put into words exactly what I'm feeling about this predicament. Or what I should do about it. Because people don't really like wiping the slate clean or giving second chances. They are into holding grudges and getting revenge and doing unto others and so forth. Which means that if I have been mean to anyone, I'm out of luck. Even if I never meant anything by whatever I may or may not have done or said. Fuck.

By the way, what's up with internet dating? Does this really work for anyone? Or is eHarmony completely full of shit?

That's all for now.