L'Avventura

I wonder if there's any coincidence that the Italian movie of the month (according to my Italian Movie Calendar) is L'Avventura. I wonder if they did that just for me. A woman disappears in her own malaise on an island, never to be seen again? And her friends just eventually stop looking for her? I can't help but feel like this is there for a reason. Like someone knew it was me and this month is mine and I am all about malaise at the moment, especially since some jackass bartender girl in high heels and fishnets asked me how old I was yesterday. I wanted to smack her. Stupid girl.

I'm wondering how long this malaise will last. Maybe forever. Maybe until tomorrow. But I do find it interesting that malaise tends to help me get my work done. I have nothing else to turn to, so I throw myself into that. There are no distractions when nothing excites you. And when you excite nothing. So I'm sitting her in The Middle, remembering what it is like to be a woman, feeling like my eyes are going to shrivel up like raisins, wanting something but not knowing exactly what it is. Just knowing that it is different from what I have right now. Wondering if it was something I had this summer and got rid of. Wondering if it's something I haven't even seen yet. Wondering if it's anything I'll actually be able to get.

So I wander.