Lesson
The lesson for this Friday: You can never fucking win. That's all there is to it. No matter how hard you try to please someone, they will always be irritated with you because they don't give a fuck in the first place and just plain don't want you around at all, unless they give you permission to be around.
Last Friday, I was in trouble because I didn't want to hang out with someone who is a friend of a friend of mine because she was not nice to me the last time I saw her, has never been nice to me, and has actually caused him to get on my case before because she "got a vibe" from me (which was ridiculous, to say the least). He wants us to be friends, but is mad at ME because she is rude to me whenever I'm around and I refuse to subject myself to her rudeness.
Fast forward seven days.
I am friends with someone he is friends with. They invite him to dinner. They invite me. He is irritated that I show up. What? Exactly. The two perfunctory sentences he threw in my direction, in addition to the lukewarm greeting he gave me upon my arrival made me feel like I'd made some sort of mistake in accepting an invitation to dinner. HE didn't want me there. I could feel it as surely as I felt the champagne bubbling up in my veins. It wasn't the sort of irritation that garners attention, just the kind that makes me feel as though I've fucked up and I really should have stayed at home. The kind of feeling that makes me feel extremely unwelcome. Even though I haven't done anything wrong. He gives them each a warm thanks for having dinner with him, then gives me some perfunctory sentence about Tuesday (as in, don't talk to me for all of Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, because I'm really pissed at you) and walks, no, stalks, away, as if I've ruined his entire evening by showing up, even though I was actually invited. Without solicitation.
So that's the lesson. I can't fucking win. If I'm friends with your friends, you'll be pissed when they invite both of us, instead of just you, to dinner. If I'm not friends with your friends, you'll be a jerk to me because you think it's all my fault that I'm not friends with them and that I'm making things difficult on you because you aren't in control of my life, or my feelings. Or maybe that's just what is pissing you off: that you can't control me, no matter how much you try to.
Either way, I can't fucking win.
Last Friday, I was in trouble because I didn't want to hang out with someone who is a friend of a friend of mine because she was not nice to me the last time I saw her, has never been nice to me, and has actually caused him to get on my case before because she "got a vibe" from me (which was ridiculous, to say the least). He wants us to be friends, but is mad at ME because she is rude to me whenever I'm around and I refuse to subject myself to her rudeness.
Fast forward seven days.
I am friends with someone he is friends with. They invite him to dinner. They invite me. He is irritated that I show up. What? Exactly. The two perfunctory sentences he threw in my direction, in addition to the lukewarm greeting he gave me upon my arrival made me feel like I'd made some sort of mistake in accepting an invitation to dinner. HE didn't want me there. I could feel it as surely as I felt the champagne bubbling up in my veins. It wasn't the sort of irritation that garners attention, just the kind that makes me feel as though I've fucked up and I really should have stayed at home. The kind of feeling that makes me feel extremely unwelcome. Even though I haven't done anything wrong. He gives them each a warm thanks for having dinner with him, then gives me some perfunctory sentence about Tuesday (as in, don't talk to me for all of Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, because I'm really pissed at you) and walks, no, stalks, away, as if I've ruined his entire evening by showing up, even though I was actually invited. Without solicitation.
So that's the lesson. I can't fucking win. If I'm friends with your friends, you'll be pissed when they invite both of us, instead of just you, to dinner. If I'm not friends with your friends, you'll be a jerk to me because you think it's all my fault that I'm not friends with them and that I'm making things difficult on you because you aren't in control of my life, or my feelings. Or maybe that's just what is pissing you off: that you can't control me, no matter how much you try to.
Either way, I can't fucking win.
posted by Ocean | 11:15 PM
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