Idiot

Did I mention that I don't feel so great anymore? I thought I was doing so good with the whole PMA thing, as I blew it all in a second. Less than a second. How did I get so fragile? Sometimes I'm under the impression that I am a strong person and I can do anything, but the truth is that I suck and I'm actually not strong at all. Among other things.

It's late and I'm up thinking about the four walls around me that are getting to be the only place I feel comfortable. Maybe this is how agoraphobia starts. I'm thinking about how tired I'm going to be in the morning and the rest of the day tomorrow and I know it's going to suck but I don't care because I'm busy feeling sorry for myself and I don't have time to worry about that right now.

Sometimes I get the feeling that my life hasn't started yet because of something I haven't done yet, but I don't know what that could possibly be. So I wade through day after day, and when anything different comes along, I get rid of it as soon as possible and opt for the status quo. I'm an idiot. I suppose I'm ok with that. I just wish I was a lovable idiot. An idiot that was important to someone. An idiot that wasn't so lonely.