Focus

I'm trying to stay focused. Trying to keep things straight in my head. Trying not to panic. For some reason, my sudden lack of schedule is making me confused. I know I have stuff to do, but it's not going together in my head like it's supposed to. And I'm a total phony at work and they'll know before too long. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I can't even comprehend little stuff. And my foot is killing me.

I really just want to stay in bed and pretend nothing is going on. But I guess I can do that tomorrow. And the next day. And the next. I want to be antisocial (actually, I already am, but I want to do it right.) Because being social gets me in trouble. Lots of it.

I want to finish what I started, but it's proving to be difficult because memory is a bitch. It takes you places you don't want to go and rubs your nose in it until you want to puke. I'm trying really hard to finish things up, clean up my mess, but it's not working. I end up just dragging things out even further and making more of a mess with even more loose ends. I'm fucked up. And I'm afraid if I tie everything up I won't have anything else to hold on to. Everything really will be over. For good. Because it already feels like it's all over.

I know this isn't making any sense, but what did you expect?