The Cheese

Sometimes you fuck up and there's nothing you can do about it. Mostly because you don't know you're fucking up until it's too late. And then you're in it and there's no turning back, no matter how many times you go back and think about what you should have done or what you could have done to prevent the fuck up. And sometimes fucking up is so easy.

All I had to do to fuck up today was walk in. I really nailed that one. I merely opened a door, and a whole can of worms came with it. I have never seen two people be so disappointed to see me. I interrupted some sort of tea party that obviously was invite only. How could I know? Suddenly I became this strange intruder, and no one sounded an alarm to let me know. Next time just call security. Or maybe come up with a secret code like "Tomatoes aren't in season" or something to let me know I'm fucking things up. I thought we were all going to be friends, but that was not the plan in this case. Maybe I should make appointments instead of dropping in to say hello. Because no one really wants to say hello to me anyway. It's been done. And it's over.

How do I manage to fuck up everything? I was trying to be social and friendly and jovial, and I ended up with not one, but two cold shoulders. It's like I'm in high school again and I'm trying to fit in with the cool crowd, and they just look at me and walk away. I want to fit in, to be one of the gang, and it's just not working. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I seem to get myself into trouble when I don't even do anything. I can't get it right.

I guess it really is true: Three is a crowd. So today, I was the cheese. And I was standing alone.