What is this?

I should be writing. No, really writing. This is more like wretching. I'm procrastinating of course. I should be writing the screenplay I have to use for class, but I'm not. This is shameful. Why do we do this? I'm really just killing time until the deadline is breathing down my neck and I'm forced to stay up all night to finish.

Just like I stand around talking when I really should be somewhere else that I don't really want to be. I'm an idiot. I stand around avoiding things by occupying myself with other crap. But they are usually things I'm saying or telling myself that I want but then I put them off. Do I really know what I want? Or is this some self-destructive loop that keeps playing itself out over and over and over?

Is this what keeps me average?
Is this what keeps me in crappy jobs?
Is this what keeps me boring?
Is this what keeps me single?