Kiddies and Kitties

Tonight I went to work. One of the women I work with has a four month old child that she is completely enamored with. It's all she talks about. She couldn't wait to get home to see him, and she was excited about spending all day tomorrow with him. I think that's cool.

It kind of makes me wonder about having kids. If I would ever have any. Usually you think you'll want them when the right person comes along, but until then, you're ok without. I've always felt that way. But I actually think I'm doomed. Doomed to spinsterhood and being that old woman living alone in some house with forty cats that no one knows but they all agree she's pretty weird.

I'm a silly girl. I fell in love with someone that I would love to have kids with, and I blew it. I already miss those kids I would've had. They would have had the most loving father and the most loving mother, who loved each other and would take care of each other. And the rest of their families would be weird and strange as always, but they would still be the best families a kid could ever want. This kid would never be neglected or starved for attention. She would be able to actually have conversations with her mom and dad and feel like they care about what she has to say.

It's a beautiful picture. But that's it. It's just a picture. It's kind of depressing when you think about it. I like, no love, that picture. But the reality is something so different. So I have to figure out something else. So I went into film. Maybe so I can fantasize about what life could have been like if I'd been able to change things.

See you when I'm fifty. And I love my cats. They keep me company.