Secrets

I hate secrets. I hate keeping them, I hate telling them, I hate knowing they're out there thumbing their noses at me. I hate knowing that there are things people don't want me to know. Even if it's not important. Even if it's none of my business. Even if it has absolutely nothing to do with me. Even if it does.

I also hate asking questions. I hate having to extract information from people when I shouldn't have to. I hate hitting that wall where you know someone doesn't want to tell you something, but it is obviously there. They might as well taunt you with the old "I know something that you don't" chant. Give you a Christmas present in July and say but don't open it until December 25th. Say "Don't look".

You don't know what it is they don't want to tell you, but there's this catch in his breath like he stopped himself from slipping and he changes the subject. So if you ask any more questions, you're prying. And he'll say "it's none of your business". Or he'll be forced to answer in half-truths or lies. It's better not to back him into that corner.

His hand may as well reach through the phone and slap you across the face. Wake up. He doesn't trust you. Or he doesn't trust himself. So he changes direction and steers you away. There's something there he doesn't want you to see or know.

A secret.

What ever happened to being open, honest, and forthcoming? Am I so untrustworthy? What exactly is my business? Where is that line drawn between us? It seems to me that only telling people things that are their 'business' would keep people pretty far apart. So obviously it doesn't happen. Business is just another word for a secret. It's not your business if I don't want to tell you. Even if it's not important. Even if it has nothing to do with you. Even if it does.