Direction

I'm going to LA for the weekend, so I have to get through three discs of The Sopranos before then. I also need to watch a few movies before Monday. And clean the house. Anyway, I've been feeling a bit odd this week, like a lackadaisical stalker. Is that possible? The boy, the one that blew me off last week is like that little festering sore that doesn't really hurt, but for some reason I keep scratching it. I erased him from my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to contact him, and actually, I haven't regretted it. There hasn't been a time this week when I wanted to talk to him. So that's good, right? But then, a couple of times I do a little Facebook or Google stalking, which is really pointless. Still, whenever I see some girl talking to him on FB, I assume he slept with her and blah blah blah. And it seems like I should be upset, but I just roll my eyes and think about what an idiot he is. He had a great chance with me and he blew it. It's not like an empowerment thing, it's just that the other women I see in his life are all pretty skanky looking. I'm smart, cool, and I actually have a healthy libido. And I start thinking, maybe that's it. Maybe he doesn't have one, or enough of one to keep up with me, and so he goes back to strippers and skanks that don't actually expect him to do anything. Maybe yes, maybe no. But I guess the major point is, it only bothers me that he'd prefer to slum it and is too much of a pussy to admit it. The big man doesn't have enough balls to admit that he's a stupid fuck, and somehow I feel like I'm the one that is missing something. But I'm really not. Blech. Anyway...

I'm still not sure if I succeeded in lifting the curse. I have succeeded in falling into old patterns of ridiculousness, but I've been kind of detached from the whole thing. Meh, whatever. I just want to be done with it and move on in a better direction.