Getting Laid

Today I found myself wishing I had something in the office to punch. Like a weeble wobble. A really big one. Just so I could let out some frustration. It's been a bit of a rough week, both personally and professionally. Mostly because other people suck and a little bit because I suck. So I spent most of the day having a hard time focusing because I was mad about something I couldn't do anything about, and getting much less accomplished than I had hoped.

Then tonight I realized that a good portion of this nervous energy could be averted if I were getting laid. Then I could relax and focus and get all sorts of good stuff done. But no, I have to sit and stew and act like some ADD moron.

I have also been feeling fat lately. And hungry. It's possible it's just part of that monthly thing, but I'm not a regular binge eater. Yesterday I ate a bunch of guacamole. Today I have bad gas. It's not a regular occurrence, so I'm sitting here evaluating my diet and what needs to change about it. Again, something I wouldn't be worried about if I were getting laid.

Today someone told me not to ever get married. I responded that it didn't look like it was ever going to happen. In all seriousness, I'm really thinking that's the case. Sure, I have plenty of time. Plenty of time to find some guy who is divorced and bitter or perpetually and terminally single because he likes it that way. Unless I want to settle for someone I only sort of like a little, which is really not my style. Yikes. I better get a dog or something.

Except I'll still need to get laid. Go figure.