Insanity

So that thing about getting piss drunk last night? Yes, I did. When I woke up this morning I wasn't sure if I was still drunk or hungover. Really hungover. So yes, last night I drank a ridiculous amount of vodka (strawberry/basil), then watched the Sex and the City movie twice and bawled my face off. Not really just because of the boy, but because of a whole bunch of nebulous issues that are tangentially related to boys in general. It was definitely one of those uber depressing pity parties that seem to get more frequent the older I get. And here's the silver lining I though of last night while watching the movie: At least I get ditched before I get to the altar. How's that for positive thinking? Hey, isn't it great that men are assholes to me early on? Great.

And then I woke up at 8am this morning. Or rather, was woken up. By a message from the boy. A 'we'll see each other soon, sorry I spaced getting back to you' message. Seriously? That is supposed to forgive ditching me at the airport, then not responding to any messages for a week? It's like the feeling I always got when I was a kid asking my parents for something, and their response was 'we'll see'. Which always got my hopes up, then made me think ten times harder about how to play my next cards to make sure I got what I wanted, while knowing that the phrase generally means no. It feels so pointless and cruel. But I suppose it's my own fault. I'm the one that keeps hoping that this person, this time, will be different from aaaaaaalll the others. Which is really just insanity. Almost as insane as drinking copious amounts of alcohol and not being able to function like a normal human being until 2 in the afternoon. All because I wanted to drink enough to not feel feelings for a while.