To Do

I drank some alcohol last night to help me sleep. I was still up until 4 am, and now I don't feel so good. I didn't drink that much. I don't get it. What happened to me? Perhaps its the lack of food thing. I made popcorn last night around 3 because I suddenly was starving. I guess that's probably the worst thing about being depressed is that I don't eat so it messes up my drinking habits. I'm sitting here now thinking I should eat something, or have some water, but there's not enough reason for me to get up off the couch and do it.

There's also stuff I should be doing, but I don't have the impetus to do any of it just yet. I don't want to clean the house. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to read and research for my paper. I don't want to make my book. I don't even want to cut the paper or print the pictures or sew the pages together. I just want to lay here watching Alias and wish I could disguise myself like she did and not worry about all this stuff that I'm worried about. I know it's bad when I start comparing my life to one on television. It's so ridiculous.