The List

Add one more to the list. One more guy from my past who says "Man I should have dated you when I had the chance. What an idiot I was." It should make me feel better, but it really doesn't. Especially since that seems to be the story of my life. All sorts of dudes who have 20/20 hindsight. Awesome. That really helps me out. I don't feel lonely anymore. It's the thought that counts, right? So now I can continue with my life thinking that there's this whole stable of men who think I was great way back when, and are kicking themselves now that it's "too late". But it's only too late because they moved on and got married and had kids and started some sort of life, not because I'm no longer available. How pathetic is that? Everyone else has moved on and I'm still the geeky girl with glasses that I was in high school. I haven't gone anywhere. Haven't learned anything. Haven't done anything.

And so now I'm stuck on a guy who has been jerking me around for the last years and a guy who is 12 years younger than me, who has no interest in marriage or kids. Not that I blame him. 21 is too young to be thinking about that stuff. He's actually normal. It's me who's the freak.

I saw the boy's mom today. She mentioned that his girl was coming to town today. That explains why he was acting funny the other day. It's almost humorous: I can see right through him, and yet I'm somehow not in his inner circle of whatever you want to call it. I'm like the wife who knows everything, and yet I'm as far from a wife as you could possibly get. If a wife has an opposite, it would be me. I wish there was something I could do to change things. But there's really nothing.

No word from the new guy. Not surprising. I'm crazy and he's not. Patience is not one of my best traits.