Broken-Hearted

I'm doing a bad job of being a human. But I'm really just regressing into panic mode where all I care about is self-preservation. And I'm not even doing a decent job of that. I am wholly unable to protect myself, and I hate that. I should be able to put my own well-being first, and stay away from things that cause me pain and suffering. But I'm not. I'm pathetic. Loathesome. The sheer ridiculousness of my inability to save myself from drowning is inexplicable and frustrating.

Today is the second day of February, and I am compulsively counting the days until I see the pro again, because I need her to give me the answers that will magically fix my life and transform it into one that is charmed instead of cursed. I'm stupid. I'm ridiculous. I'm pathetic. I'm hopeless.

I'm broken-hearted.