This girl needs help.
I am my own worst enemy. And even worse, I have no allies. He came to my house today, the new one. I didn't want him to come into my house, so I hastily grabbed my purse and we went to the coffee place. I was shaking with fear. Fear of what I might possibly say or do. It took everything I had to keep it together, because I really wanted to break down and cry and tell him how much he hurt me and how much I still love him and how much it sickens me to think of him with this other woman and how he betrayed me and how I wish he would stop it with her because I can't handle it and it's making me crazy and I can't eat or sleep or think or function like a normal person and I wanted moving to be happy, but the more I unpack, the more I see that we never shared and now it's too late because he never gave me a chance, which is the only thing I ever wanted and now everything is ruined.
Obviously that would be a big mess. So I stayed quiet, and we talked a bit about school and classes and subjects that are safe. There were a few times I considered telling him it was a mistake to have coffee with him and run out of there, but somehow I just couldn't do it. I suppose the silver lining to the whole situation is that the experience has renewed my faith in the decision to stay away from him as much as possible.
The other thorn in my side is that I have no one that I can talk to about this. I thought I had a friend who would listen, but she is clearly tired of listening to me and has gone back into her world of hypochondria and self-absorption that prevents her from listening to anyone else's problems.
So I'm completely alone, because I lost my best friend to unrequited love and my best girlfriend to hypochondria. I have no other friends that are willing to talk to me about this. I'm going crazy with this broken heart of lead and a complete lack of support from a person I thought was my friend, which hurts me all over again.
So things were difficult to start with, and now they are even harder. Because I have to do it all myself. This girl needs help.
Obviously that would be a big mess. So I stayed quiet, and we talked a bit about school and classes and subjects that are safe. There were a few times I considered telling him it was a mistake to have coffee with him and run out of there, but somehow I just couldn't do it. I suppose the silver lining to the whole situation is that the experience has renewed my faith in the decision to stay away from him as much as possible.
The other thorn in my side is that I have no one that I can talk to about this. I thought I had a friend who would listen, but she is clearly tired of listening to me and has gone back into her world of hypochondria and self-absorption that prevents her from listening to anyone else's problems.
So I'm completely alone, because I lost my best friend to unrequited love and my best girlfriend to hypochondria. I have no other friends that are willing to talk to me about this. I'm going crazy with this broken heart of lead and a complete lack of support from a person I thought was my friend, which hurts me all over again.
So things were difficult to start with, and now they are even harder. Because I have to do it all myself. This girl needs help.
posted by Ocean | 10:35 PM
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