The Favor

I'm not happy. What else is new. I suppose I could go on and on about all the reasons I'm not happy, but it wouldn't really be anything new. I guess the only thing that's new is that I've reached a new low; one that I never knew existed. I suppose it will go away in time, but it really sucks because it follows me around everywhere and taints everything I say and do.

I feel like I should say something to him about this situation, but the point is really moot. I wouldn't be telling him anything different than I've told him before. My feelings are not important. They don't change anything. So I lay in bed and stare at the wall because I don't have the gumption to do much else and I don't want to talk to him about more of the same stuff. Especially now, when everything I say is tainted with circumstance. Nothing I say can sound like I'm not trying to be manipulative. But it really hurts to know how little things really matter in the end. Plus I can't really complain about him, because he really is being the best possible person I could ask for in my time of need. No one else could be better. So I feel like even more of a heel because the part of me that isn't thanking him is really upset that I am so in love with someone who won't return the favor. Even though sometimes it seems like it.