Capability

I am not happy with the status quo. It has been like this for longer than the scheduled amount of time and I am starting to get worried. Sunny skies are nice, but if there's never rain, bad stuff happens. I haven't had any rain lately. It's getting down to decision time and take action time and I really just want to pretend that nothing is going on. Because that's what I'm good at. Plus I'm not keen on disturbing the other status quo. Because that can't be good.

Tomorrow is a down day. I am going to try to force myself to relax and worry about my life on Wednesday. But I need a day to stop and chill out and not worry about what other people are going to think about me if this happens or that happens. I need a vacation from this life. If only for one day.

I feel kind of nautious, but not overly so. Just enough to make me uncomfortable, which in itself makes me uncomfortable. Is this another symptom, or just bad eating habits? The others seem like symptoms, but it is difficult to tell sometimes. I'm not a very good judge of myself in this particular instance. But I must say, this feels very different from past experience. But I hope it's not. I don't really want to find out what I'm made of and what I believe. What I'm capable of. Or what I'm not.