Body Language

I'm a bit concerned over the state of my insides. Yes, I recently stopped taking a drug I've been taking for five years, so my body may be doing the duck and cover thing because it doesn't know what's going on. But I also don't know what's going on. I wish my organs could talk. All I know is that my regularly scheduled program has not aired, and I'm not sure when it will. Or if it will. I have been in mild and sporatic pain in the netherregions of my body for over a week now. My breasts are so sensitive, I have to use great care when dressing and undressing. I can't run. I often hold them as I walk through the house (as long as no one will be around to see it) because they seem to feel better when I do. I feel like a fat cow. I've considered weighing myself, but so far have been too terrified to drag it out. If I do, it may be the beginning of a binge diet for as long as I feel that way, which right now feels like it's already been forever.

So my body is in this weird holding pattern in a not so fun place. Like an airplane circling during a snowstorm. Or vultures over a wounded animal. So I'm somewhat concerned and have started counting the days and nights in a near obsessive manner, because eventually something has to happen. Either my body lands or I pursue other methods. Seriously. And the thing is, I've been drugged for such a long time, I don't really know what is supposed to be happening. I sort of remember what things were like before drugs, but as I recall, it was something that pretty much came and went as it pleased without much fanfare or introduction OR regularity. It's not the irregularity of the schedule, it's the way my body is trying to tell me something and I don't know what. I've silenced it so long, I don't speak the language any more.