Feel Pretty

Sometimes I feel really lonely even though nothing changes. But it seems like I am bombarded by things that keep telling me that I am not beautiful and no one cares about me and I don't really matter. There's no one that wants to take pictures of me and show them to their friends or talk about how great I am. Or tell me I'm beautiful. And since I'm not hearing anything to stop me, I believe that I am more and more ugly every day. Every minute. Every milli-second I'm fatter, my boobs are smaller, my skin is drier, scalier, I'm more awkward, out of shape stupid and lame.

I'm watching TV and realizing that there's nothing different about me compared to the women there, except that they get attention. So someone loves them more than anyone loves me.

I don't know how to fix myself. To get the hair and the make-up and the body and the personality that will make people look at me instead of through me. Aren't I special too? Who's there to help? I know it's lame to want someone to make you feel good about yourself, but sometimes you just need a little boost from someone besides your mom. Not that I get many from her anyway. I'm usually on my own on that one. And sometimes being on your own can be difficult.

Obviously, no one cares about you as much as you want to be cared about. No one wants to pick up a phone and say, you know, I think you're really beautiful. And not just your personality. You're someone I find myself staring at all the time because you have the most amazing shoulders/lips/eyes/neck/toes. Whatever. It doesn't even matter what they like about me, as long as they like something. Find something nice to say about me. Please.

It makes the day so much easier to get through. I just want to be pretty. And feel pretty.