Bye

Mom left today. I guess that is about the amount of time it takes to get tired of company. I think my mom is great. But I was ready to have my life back. I hope it is still there for me to want. Sounds overly dramatic, I know, but sometimes I wonder what things will be like once they get "back to normal". Is there such a thing?

My mom is a firm believe in the power of positive thinking. But in a more metaphysical way than most people. And in a way, I hope/wish she could be right. I can think positively. But I am also easily disappointed. I need instant gratification. If I think positively about something I want to happen, and it doesn't happen for thirty years, I don't think I'm going to be attributing it to positive thinking. And I never underestimate the power of chance. Things just happen. Without meaning, without choice, without deservedness. That's one of the things I have to believe, or else my whole life means something completely different.

Oh well.