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Wine. Whine. What's the difference?
He came in today and shared some with me. Plus conversation. He repeatedly mentioned Big D and the lament that she and I are not friends. I still find it amazing that he doesn't understand why I don't like her. I don't like her because he does. It's really that simple. And that complicated. But this is the second time in two days that he's brought it up, so it is obviously weighing on his mind heavily. I don't completely understand why he wants me to like her so much. She's never given me a reason to like her. I tried to be nice, and she shrugged me off like a second-hand cardigan. And I refuse to be that. I also refuse to play second banana to her perpetually insecure narcissistic self; slip into the role of the ugly girl of the group. As many problems as I have with myself, I do draw the line somewhere.
But it pisses me off that he finds her so amazing. What is so great about her? I really don't know. And with every sentence, I can see why he likes her. Because she is everything that I am not. She is eternally unemployed, lies about it to get money, then talks about herself badly and then emasculates unsuspecting men for no apparent reason. Bluntness, deceitfulness, etcetera. He likes that. And these are things that I don't possess. He said so himself. That we are complete opposites, he said.
He is probably right. I only have a vague impression of her, plus the green hue of my jealousy to cast the light upon her. Because when he sits with her on the beach, he knows he is sitting with a hot chick. When he sits with me, he knows he is sitting with a woman that no man looks at. With her, he knows he is with the woman that controls the party. With me, it is the woman who goes with the flow. She is the one that resists authority. I am the one that endures it. She is narcissistic. I am self-effacing. She is obnoxious. I am reserved.
But as many times as he will deny it, I know that he often prefers her to me. Because she doesn't force him to think about how he functions in her life. As he said, things don't have to be "addressed" with her. There is freedom with her. Even though he is often embarrassed with her. I can never be that. Ever. I will always have a complicated relationship with him. One that I will always have to explain to people who will never understand. I am the woman that he never wanted. But did at the same time. The one that came with "All Sales Final" tags attached. He didn't bother to pay attention to the tags.
He came in today and shared some with me. Plus conversation. He repeatedly mentioned Big D and the lament that she and I are not friends. I still find it amazing that he doesn't understand why I don't like her. I don't like her because he does. It's really that simple. And that complicated. But this is the second time in two days that he's brought it up, so it is obviously weighing on his mind heavily. I don't completely understand why he wants me to like her so much. She's never given me a reason to like her. I tried to be nice, and she shrugged me off like a second-hand cardigan. And I refuse to be that. I also refuse to play second banana to her perpetually insecure narcissistic self; slip into the role of the ugly girl of the group. As many problems as I have with myself, I do draw the line somewhere.
But it pisses me off that he finds her so amazing. What is so great about her? I really don't know. And with every sentence, I can see why he likes her. Because she is everything that I am not. She is eternally unemployed, lies about it to get money, then talks about herself badly and then emasculates unsuspecting men for no apparent reason. Bluntness, deceitfulness, etcetera. He likes that. And these are things that I don't possess. He said so himself. That we are complete opposites, he said.
He is probably right. I only have a vague impression of her, plus the green hue of my jealousy to cast the light upon her. Because when he sits with her on the beach, he knows he is sitting with a hot chick. When he sits with me, he knows he is sitting with a woman that no man looks at. With her, he knows he is with the woman that controls the party. With me, it is the woman who goes with the flow. She is the one that resists authority. I am the one that endures it. She is narcissistic. I am self-effacing. She is obnoxious. I am reserved.
But as many times as he will deny it, I know that he often prefers her to me. Because she doesn't force him to think about how he functions in her life. As he said, things don't have to be "addressed" with her. There is freedom with her. Even though he is often embarrassed with her. I can never be that. Ever. I will always have a complicated relationship with him. One that I will always have to explain to people who will never understand. I am the woman that he never wanted. But did at the same time. The one that came with "All Sales Final" tags attached. He didn't bother to pay attention to the tags.
posted by Ocean | 12:56 AM
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