Rally

I'm abusing the blog. I don't care. I just have to get things down so I can read them later and hopefully, they'll make sense. Because they definitely don't when they are floating around in my head. Hopefully the blog will help me get organized.

I'm slowly realizing that this is it. I've had my one great love story for my life and now it's all over and there's nothing left. There's no next time. Some would call it a 'self-fulfilling prophecy', that because I'm saying it and because I believe it, that's what's going to happen. But I disagree. Because it's not what I want. In fact, I have fought the notion for quite a while now. But the more I look around me, the more I realize that I won't ever be happy with another man.

My heart won't ever be one piece again. In a way it makes me sad, but in a way, I don't worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I worry about being unloved and unsupported, but that's different. I know that my heart isn't going to be able to rally from this. And I'm not going to make it. Because that's how people get hurt. That's how I got hurt. A failed rally.