Feeling Good

Last night I had a dream, but I can't remember it. What I do remember is waking up and wishing I was a pretty girl. Or at least wishing I felt like one. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I don't get attention. I pretty much blend in to whatever background is there. But sometimes I wish there was some guy that was not a total psycho who wanted to touch me and kiss me and whisper sweet nothings. Make me feel good about myself.

It's not that I want to fall in love. I think I'm done with that. I will never love again. All that gets me is a shattered little broken heart and bitterness. I think I'm finished with trying for the happy ending. Now I'll just try for the happy couple of hours, then say, gee, that was fun. Bye, now. Just so I can feel worthwhile for a short time. Because trying to feel worthwhile for the long haul has gotten me nowhere enjoyable. It's a one way ticket to hell. And all this time I thought it would mean something.