Heavy Clouds

Cloudy California. i was hoping to visit the beach today and catch up on some winding down. No dice. At least there are movies. Sometimes when the weather is like this, I slip into a somber state of mind. Brooding over everything I always do, but more. I'm only working one day this week, and for some reason I'm wondering what I'll do with all the extra time. The extra time I always complain about not having. I'm sure I'll find something useful to do.

Try not to think about my ever broken heart. About the longing and the loneliness that follows me everywhere I go. And everywhere I don't go. The baby birds chirp their shrill chirp above the light under the eaves. I wonder how long they will be there. For some reason, they seem to make life happier. Lighter.

I'm waiting for a wine shipment. Looking forward to it.

I wish I were still a dancer. It was the closest I ever got to being beautiful. And tall. I felt skinny then. I felt fit. Not fat. I felt graceful. I felt like I could float. I don't get those feelings anymore. Now I feel as though I am constantly tied to the earth; like the bounce has been chased from my steps. I feel heavy. In body and heart.