Heath-en

Yesterday he said,"I don't really understand why you two have problems. He really is nice and smart."

Yes, I know. And I made up some stupid reason why said problem guy and I have problems, knowing I was spouting a bunch of stuff that isn't really true. The truth: I'm jealous. Is it possible to be jealous of a guy? I say it is. He is all chummy with my ex that I am still in love with and I want to punch him in the face for it. (the Heath-en) When the three of us walk together, I get squeezed out of the middle. They have so much to talk about, there is literally not enough room for me. I apparently have nothing to contribute to whatever it is they may be talking about.

The subject of baseball emerges. The Heathen loves baseball. So does the ex. I am automatically excluded. They set up a baseball date. The ex has three baseball dates this year. One for the ex ex ex ex girlfriend, and now one for the Heathen. I have not been asked to baseball. Yes, I feel left out. And ugly. And stupid. And irrelevant. I want to scream and walk out, but instead I sit and stare at the computer screen in front of me telling me who passes and who doesn't. My name should be up there in bright red letters so everyone will know that I don't pass. Never did. I am the charity case one takes on until boredom sets in. If there is anyone else in the room, I will become instant second banana. I can't trump anyone. I suck. Yes, it's true.