Secrets and Lies

Not everything in here is true, but it is based on real events.

Name:
Location: Southern California

Saturday, January 01, 2005

2005

2005. When I was a little kid, I couldn't even fathom what things would be like this far into the future. And now here I am, working in a lame job, going to school for the 26th year, still hoping that one day I'll be something. It does seem like an appropriate time to make a new start and change my life, but frankly, I'm way too tired. I'd be satisfied to never get out of bed again. I'll change my life some other time when it's more convenient.

So last night I worked 12 hours so rich but cheap jerks could gorge themselves on food and wine and then dance like idiots and ask for more free champagne. And right now my body hurts so bad that if I were an animal, the vet would advise you to put me out of my misery. It's almost like my body took all the emotional pain that I've felt for the past year and pumped it into every nook of every joint so I could experience it up close and personal just one more time.

Because if there's anything I want to change about my life, it's pain. I'd like to give that up for good. So maybe this year can be the year that I don't feel pain. It's a tall order, I know, but I think it's about time. Maybe that means I have to unplug and disconnect more often. Maybe it means I have to strain myself in other ways. Keep busy. Convince myself that I'm too busy with reaching my goals to have a relationship with anyone. Fill my schedule up with work and school and projects so there is no time for anything or anyone else. Which, in actuality, creates a form of pain all its own, so there's a whole new set of problems. Sigh.

1 Comments:

Blogger Stephanie said...

Wow..that's one real post. Props to ya.

2:01 AM  

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