Get Back

Ok. I finally did something on my own. I didn't cop out at the last minute either, even though I thought about it. I went to this jazz night with a two drink minimum, and I had to keep reminding myself to drink slow. But it's hard when you're sitting there by yourself.

And it was a typical jazz night. At least as far as I can tell. There's that guy that seems to be enjoying the music so much it looks like he's having a seizure and you wonder if he can actually hear the music with all that jerking going on. And then the first date couple and the guy who knows somebody in the band and the family of the youngest guy in the band. Then there's the people dancing, but I don't know why because they all pretty much suck at it. You can tell that they learned everything in a swing dancing class and they've been dying to show off for a long time. And there's also, of course, the old lady that keeps clapping on 1 and 3. Which for some reason is more annoying than everything else. How can she actually enjoy jazz if she doesn't even know where the beat is?

Anyway, I suppose this is a big step for me. To get back to who I used to be. The trouble is, who was I? Do I really want to go back? Was I really that great before? Was I happy? Actually, I don't even remember. I remember having a roommate that was a total moron and arguing with the graduate office on a weekly basis and being annoyed at my ex-boyfriend's shameful lack of contact since I moved. I remember having strange landlords and living closer to school and staying in my room pretty much all the time. I remember playing a lot of mah-jongg on my computer. I remember wanting to redecorate my room. Working at a shitty sports bar.

Is that what I really want to get back to?