Grr

Grr. So I was *almost* happy. Almost. Things were going well with the boy. We were hanging out. Talking every day. Having fun together, seeing movies, watching TV, and generally just being a sort of couple. Then one day, texting starts, and eventually I learn that he is in my HOMETOWN and hasn't bothered to mention it to me, doesn't tell me why he's there, who he's with, or how long he'll be gone. Then I start remembering previous conversations, in which he straight up LIED to me about his plans.

Example:
Q:What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
A: Family Stuff

Q: Want to have lunch this week?
A: Can't. I'm super busy.

Q: Want to see a band w/me Sunday?
A: Hmm. I'm not sure what I'll be doing that day.

Bullshit on all of them. If you get on a plane and go to another time zone, you know exactly what you're doing. And when you're entire family lives in the same county, there's no way that time zone includes 'family stuff'. I've been patient but irritated, and now that has escalated to anger. The kind of anger where if he knocked on my door at this moment I would open the door and punch him in the stomach.

I still don't know the answer to any of those questions, but I do know that he is back in town. He probably got back on Sunday. I still haven't heard from him. And yes, now I am getting pissed. I feel like I've been taken advantage of, like I've been used. And I know that I've been lied to. Even as I type this, I can feel my blood pressure rising. I don't understand what has been going on, and I don't understand what is going on now. I'm fairly certain I don't want to talk to him anymore. But I'm also fairly certain that I want to chew him out before not talking to him anymore. I want to kick him in the shins and key his car. Does that make me crazy? I haven't done it, but yes, I've thought about it.

The part that really kills me is that I was starting to think of him as the 'other'. The guy that was going to do things with me, support me, and so forth. I was starting to think that I wouldn't have to spend Christmas and New Year's and Valentines Day and St. Patrick's Day alone anymore. And now here I am. Not only alone, but even more damaged than I was before. And wondering what the fuck is so special about this guy that I've given him so much leeway and so many second chances. Three months ago I was never going to speak to him again, and then he drew me back in with vague promises and lots of attention and he starts calling me Baby and blah blah blah. Sucked in again with nothing buy emptiness. And here I am feeling like a complete idiot, once again. I love this. Grr.