Little Things

So it turns out that I don't have to do my presentation on Tuesday. It's actually two weeks from Tuesday. Thank you, Lord. And they say there's no such thing as karma. I've been nice, so the universe is nice back. Well, mostly nice.

I realized today that my forehead is sore from getting hit by the boy's elbow yesterday. It hurt at the time, but the rug burn hurt worse. And today I scratched my eyebrow and it really hurt. No bruise, no bump (maybe a little bump), but it hurts. Oh well.

I didn't do any research today, but I did work on my books, which was actually pretty time consuming. It's strange; I realized very quickly that when I'm not doing schoolwork, I literally have nothing else to do. I have no hobbies, no friends, no place to go. Good thing I bought a nice tv. It would be a little less sad if I weren't broke too. It seems like it would be difficult to be more of a loser than that.

I'm still thinking about doing the diplomat thing. I have to order their book soon so I can figure it out. The next test is in October. Maybe that would be interesting. Then again, maybe it would suck. I don't know. But it can't get more pathetic than this. It's like I almost have a good thing going, but not quite. I have a cool job. I doesn't pay enough. I know a lot of cool people. They are all in relationships and too busy to hang out with me. I have hookups to cool things (parties, movies, etc.) and no one to go with. I have lots of jokes and no one to laugh at them. I have lots of artwork and no one to look at it.

I think I'm going to have to go to a wedding in September, and it'll be another event where I don't have a date. I didn't have a date for the last one either, and my gay date cancelled at the last minute. So I was forced to go alone. I went to the art opening last week alone. I go to the beach alone. Go to the park alone. Watch tv alone. Anyway, the wedding is going to be in San Francisco, so it'll involve a plane and a hotel, which will only make me feel more alone while everyone else isn't. It's going to be fairly pathetic. Can't wait.

All my married friends tell me how lucky I am to not have to think about another person and that I can do whatever I want all the time. I'm not really buying it. They don't have to worry about not having anyone there to help when they need it. They don't have to worry about what they're going to do with their other ticket. They don't have to worry about being alone on holidays and birthdays. They don't have to do everything themselves. I do. Plus they can have sex whenever they want. I can't.

Blech. Anyway, I'm still glad about the presentation. It's the little things that I cling to.