Burned Out
I am officially burned out. I was at school today and was just really unhappy about it. Didn't want to be there. Started to get really angry. All this time I thought I liked school. I don't want to do any more work, read any more articles, write any more papers, pay any more tuition. None of it. I just want to have a normal life like other people my age, if that's even possible. But then I get even more irritated. I can't quit school. I can't afford to. Because I can't afford to pay my student loans. I barely make a living. I live month to month on a paycheck that seems to get stretched a little further every day. I can't get another job because I'm in school. I have no insurance. No 401K. Nothing. And then today I got another bill from the university for $240 that's due in two weeks. Thanks, you fuckers. Thanks for giving me plenty of time to pay your tuition hike. Especially since I'll have to pay next semester's tuition in about a month anyway. Assholes. Apparently they think I'm made of money, and they're holding my education hostage until I pay up. It's not tuition, it's ransom. Fuckers. GOD I HATE SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY!
So that's the whole ridiculous situation. Can't afford school. Can't afford to quit. Can't make more money. I've been wondering why I haven't been making any new work, or felt compelled to finish what I started. I just want it to all go away. I want to be a normal person with a normal job and normal friends. But instead I'm broke and stuck where I am without some major sacrifice to my education or my credit rating or my career. My mom would tell me to get a roommate. Which I suppose is a decent suggestion. Except that I don't have room for another person. At least not right now. And I didn't have much luck the last time I looked for a roommate. It is terrible to feel like you have no control over the important things in your life. Things it seems you should have control over. Money. School. Home. I have control over none of those things right now. At least that's how it seems.
On a side note, my work is holding a check for $500 that I really need right now. I was supposed to give them some DVD files in order to get the check, which I did, and still no check. I want to scream a big fat WTF. It's my money; I want it now! But I'm trying not to piss anybody off at the moment. Mostly because the person holding my check thinks I'm hoarding all our interns. I do what my boss tells me.
Anyway, I'm irritated. And burned out.
So that's the whole ridiculous situation. Can't afford school. Can't afford to quit. Can't make more money. I've been wondering why I haven't been making any new work, or felt compelled to finish what I started. I just want it to all go away. I want to be a normal person with a normal job and normal friends. But instead I'm broke and stuck where I am without some major sacrifice to my education or my credit rating or my career. My mom would tell me to get a roommate. Which I suppose is a decent suggestion. Except that I don't have room for another person. At least not right now. And I didn't have much luck the last time I looked for a roommate. It is terrible to feel like you have no control over the important things in your life. Things it seems you should have control over. Money. School. Home. I have control over none of those things right now. At least that's how it seems.
On a side note, my work is holding a check for $500 that I really need right now. I was supposed to give them some DVD files in order to get the check, which I did, and still no check. I want to scream a big fat WTF. It's my money; I want it now! But I'm trying not to piss anybody off at the moment. Mostly because the person holding my check thinks I'm hoarding all our interns. I do what my boss tells me.
Anyway, I'm irritated. And burned out.
posted by Ocean | 10:30 PM
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