Lost at Sea

Eat. Seriously. You're too thin. So I'm spending the holiday with a bunch of strangers and a few people I actually know. I'm a little scared. Until a few hours ago, I thought it was going to be just a few people. Pressure's on now. I also have to figure out when I'm going to get all my work done. Yesterday it seemed like I would have a whole bunch of time to get things done, and now I'm seeing my time slip away with all sorts of commitments that I never planned on having. Like work. I hate those people. I keep telling myself I only have to get through the next couple of weeks and everything will be fine. I just might be unemployed. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

Mostly I'm hoping the cute boy at school will call me this weekend. I left the invitation open for him in case he felt so inclined. I supposed I should pick up my room just in case.

This is always the beginning of my least favorite seasons, mostly because from now until February, I will constantly be reminded that I am inching closer and closer to spinsterhood and there seems to be no end in sight. I already have an invitation to a holiday party that mentions 'significant others'. Next will come the articles everywhere about how to have a romantic holiday, what to buy said significant other, blah blah blah. And then there will be all the people around me who either brag or bitch about hanging out with S.O.'s family and how lame or fun it's going to be. I already have one friend telling me how much she misses her boyfriend. This after she revealed to me that she and him have never had sex with each other. Ever. And she thinks he's getting ready to ask her to marry him. And I can't help but think to myself how unfair that is. I am starved for attention of just about any kind, and can't seem to find it anywhere. Unless you want to count the dream I had where we had sex. That was a little awkward to wake up to. In real life, all I've got is an intellectual (and hot) Czech guy who probably thinks of me like he thinks about his mom, and a cute bartender who seems to become more and more a part of my life without any effort on my part. I also believe he hates his girlfriend, but that is mere conjecture. However, he never talks about her, and since August, he has gone to the East Coast (he went to Clemson, by the way) twice and left her behind. Hmm. Sounds fishy to me. Not to mention that a man who has previously tortured and mistreated me wanted to hang out the other night, and if I had opened the door to extra shenanigans, he would have definitely taken the opportunity. He felt so comfortable staring at my chest he even commented on the color of my bra. He clearly has trouble discerning the difference between silver and white. And yes, there is a part of me that wanted to, but I can't go back down that road again. It was an ugly place. And I worked hard to find a new road. Plus the Czech is hot and single. His English is probably better than mine. He uses words like 'ephemeral'. Who talks like that?

Anyway, it's like being thirsty in the middle of the ocean. I'm not even shipwrecked. I'm lost at sea.