Same Old
I really wish I had a happy jolly post about meeting some prince charming or getting some fantastic job, but I don't. This one will be just like the other 869 posts. You've been warned.
I finally had enough today of being broke enough to start thinking about selling my possessions and having to always tell me friends I can't do anything because I have no dinero and getting the "talking to" from my mom about the seriousness of debt (as if I don't already know) and I applied for some jobs. I think I applied for about four of them, and I'm still considering applying for several more. Some I'm not sure about because they are full time and I really don't have time for that right now but I will at the end of this semester. And sometimes I don't apply for jobs when I think I'm not going to get them, which sucks because I'm really not qualified for any jobs, unless you need a waitress. I can get any and all of those jobs. Those aren't the ones I want. It sucks that there are so many jobs out there that I could be really good at, but could never get because people assume that if you studied music or art in college, you must be either stupid or flaky. And you don't have any other skills.
I got a last minute call from work to come in and work, and I did, because as I already mentioned, I'm broke. And it was a wedding, and in light of my recent despair, it was kind of depressing. It was even more depressing because there wasn't any extra food and there wasn't even any extra cake. That blows. I did manage to gnaw on some hors devours, though. Bacon-wrapped shrimp...mmmm. I passed on the lamb chops. I also worked with Boy B, which is interesting, because even though we work at the same place, I don't think we have ever been paired together. But it was ok, and I think he may have actually done more work than usual because he wants to help me out. And he tends to give me the easy jobs, like pouring wine, while he cleans all the crap off the table. Normally I do all that stuff myself.
I still haven't started a paper that's due in a week and a half, and I don't know why. Today I laid in bed for most of the day. I only went outside to get the mail. I'm turning into a big loser. I kept thinking I should work on my paper, but I just couldn't do it. And tomorrow will probably be more of the same. On my way home tonight, I wondered if I could ask the psychiatrist if I could do hypnosis to make me normal again. I didn't used to be crazy. I didn't used to be so desparate and so sensitive. I used to bounce back from failure and disappointment. Now it wins every time. I hate that, and it seems like nothing I do changes it.
Boy B "might" call tomorrow, depending on the weather. Yes, I come third in his life, right after pot and golf. Great. But at least that's better than Kid A, where I come absolutely last. Even some rude bitch with bad hair who lives on the other side of the world comes before me. Fucker. Anyway, I'm going to stop before I start on that again.
I finally had enough today of being broke enough to start thinking about selling my possessions and having to always tell me friends I can't do anything because I have no dinero and getting the "talking to" from my mom about the seriousness of debt (as if I don't already know) and I applied for some jobs. I think I applied for about four of them, and I'm still considering applying for several more. Some I'm not sure about because they are full time and I really don't have time for that right now but I will at the end of this semester. And sometimes I don't apply for jobs when I think I'm not going to get them, which sucks because I'm really not qualified for any jobs, unless you need a waitress. I can get any and all of those jobs. Those aren't the ones I want. It sucks that there are so many jobs out there that I could be really good at, but could never get because people assume that if you studied music or art in college, you must be either stupid or flaky. And you don't have any other skills.
I got a last minute call from work to come in and work, and I did, because as I already mentioned, I'm broke. And it was a wedding, and in light of my recent despair, it was kind of depressing. It was even more depressing because there wasn't any extra food and there wasn't even any extra cake. That blows. I did manage to gnaw on some hors devours, though. Bacon-wrapped shrimp...mmmm. I passed on the lamb chops. I also worked with Boy B, which is interesting, because even though we work at the same place, I don't think we have ever been paired together. But it was ok, and I think he may have actually done more work than usual because he wants to help me out. And he tends to give me the easy jobs, like pouring wine, while he cleans all the crap off the table. Normally I do all that stuff myself.
I still haven't started a paper that's due in a week and a half, and I don't know why. Today I laid in bed for most of the day. I only went outside to get the mail. I'm turning into a big loser. I kept thinking I should work on my paper, but I just couldn't do it. And tomorrow will probably be more of the same. On my way home tonight, I wondered if I could ask the psychiatrist if I could do hypnosis to make me normal again. I didn't used to be crazy. I didn't used to be so desparate and so sensitive. I used to bounce back from failure and disappointment. Now it wins every time. I hate that, and it seems like nothing I do changes it.
Boy B "might" call tomorrow, depending on the weather. Yes, I come third in his life, right after pot and golf. Great. But at least that's better than Kid A, where I come absolutely last. Even some rude bitch with bad hair who lives on the other side of the world comes before me. Fucker. Anyway, I'm going to stop before I start on that again.
posted by Ocean | 12:21 AM
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